The Eyes of March (past tense, third person)

I always review back! and pride myself on giving real honest feedback about my reading experience :)

I'm trying to improve my own writing, this is another experiment into altering a book I finished a while ago. it was in a different tense and I'm still learning so it's not perfect but I really want your help, be brutal. even if you hate it, please say why? :) thank you

cheers for the honest suggestions from last time for those who reviewed, your awesome, lets keep the ball rolling,