Curtians

Giving Back

Now,
The sparse words tighten the grip my mind has on each
One.
I am scared their meaning will slide between the gaps.
I gingerly pull the blanket back,
Trying not to disturb the spark still smoldering,
Curls of smoke fill my lungs,
Your hair light on the pillow,
Moonlit curtains silhouette zig zag flashes,
Rumbling widow panes,
Cold puffs of wind rock the trees limber wooden veins,
Chicken skin bubbles over your shoulder,
My breath cascading into your hair,
My arm cradling your alien ribs,
Healed over from his belly boots,
but still,
The reminder, a loose shirt, the cold blanket, can't hide, can’t warm.
Some wind of sleep burrows us together on one pillow,
The “lonely” lights deep in someone like you with no shears to cut the baggage.
So my lung's live on your barroom smoke,
My eyes sleep with “his” stains trapped in your heart,
I kiss you goodnight.
Now
Alone with you.

Reviews

[Corset]

Hard to describe the feeling I get from this writing, it's as if you "travel" to wear a heart that is asleep, curl up with it's slumber, and kiss it good night..especially impressed with this " The “lonely” lights deep in someone like you with no shears to cut the baggage.
So my lung's live on your barroom smoke,
My eyes sleep with “his” stains trapped in your heart,
I kiss you goodnight. "

[lee von cleef]

Numbers, 22 reads,2 reviews,you 2 minuets ago, Looking into me is easier for you then me,I think this is a morning, mourning dream the coffee can't clear away.

[Corset]

then we'll just sit quietly with it...

[spiritwind]

well that was cool. Not. Computer misfired and the long review I wrote is gone.
So I try to repeat.
Now, in short, you are a magnificent writer.
But I was troubled by what I read... so I read the other reviews and yes indeedy what I read was not what anybody else read so boy am I ever out of it.
However, go back to line 1 and read it with this thought in your head... that this is a "burning bed" poem.
gingerly pull the blanket back
Trying not to disturb the spark still smoldering,
Curls of smoke fill my lungs
... now on to where the fire is still at its grisly work
Chicken skin bubbles over your shoulder
...and why would the lover kill his love?
my lung's live on your barroom smoke,
My eyes sleep with “his” stains trapped in your heart,
I kiss you goodnight.
Now
Alone with you.
... okay... that is what I read... should I check in to the nearest hospital with those nifty cushioned walls?

[spiritwind]

I read the other reviews and now I know I must be nuts because I saw something way different going on here.
Your write is absolutely top notch but I smell the fire that is burning... do me a favor and read this from line one as a "burning bed" poem ... gingerly pull the blanket back... Trying not to disturb the spark still smoldering,
Curls of smoke fill my lungs,
Your hair light on the pillow,
Moonlit curtains silhouette zig zag flashes,
....
okay now this image of burning flesh:
"Chicken skin bubbles over your shoulder, "
why?
because she was unfaithful:
"My eyes sleep with “his” stains trapped in your heart,
I kiss you goodnight.
Now
Alone with you."
Okay. This is what I see. I saw a woman murdered in her bed by fire because she was stained with another man. Feel free to yell at me.

[lee von cleef]

you have been reading too much of Steven, Goose bumps equals shivers equals "Chicken skin" hey , but your angel is alright, I just have not tried that fire yet, well maybe in "Devils Prize"

[spiritwind]

thank you for being kind to my imagination! it's a flagrant thing apt to run off in any ole direction.... and yes perhaps I should cut back its Stephen fuel

[lee von cleef]

Stephan here in the cafe, or the King kind, moderation...... nah go all out.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I think that you have utilised some brilliant imagery and there is true clairty in every line, and that this is a finely executed poem.

[lee von cleef]

hears to Claret and clarity!

[Shellie]

Your phrasing here is excellent. Its actually a brilliant piece and I love it.

[Ruth]

This leaves me with such fragile grace and yet sombre tones...
Another hit of impact darling xox

[Steven]

A gasp of a piece. A moan of the subconscious.

[lee von cleef]

the shower washes her smokey hair,and cush denim replaces conditions her clip and coffee cup morning.

[Tree]

A haunting write, Lee. Your last few lines have stuck
with me

Diego

[chuna]

"the reminder,a loose shirt,the cold blanket,can't hide,can't warm"
this line impress me a lot,,,

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Those are the kind of intimate moments that last a lifetime, so beautifully describe in your unique way.

[gombeggar]

hmm...interactions between the sheets...often complicaed aren't they? well written...i like the structure of yer lines here