The moon and i

it's an attempt, albeit a very bad one, but still an attempt

The moon shines big
The moon shines bright;
A thousand tendrils
Against the sky.

I yearn to think that
Someday i could

believe
That the moon and i
Were meant to be.

The moon and i
Were friends, you see:
Friends who crossed lines
And broke
bound.a.ries

The moon and i,
Ah, the moon and i.
I’ll break us apart
To see where

we’ll go.

For who could ever know
Once ties are cut
And cords are loosed

And bindings are snapped
Where we could

Someday be...

 

Free of this drunken reverie?

The moon and i
Were once as clothes to skin,
But now I’ll break us
Both
To bits

 

For the better.

Author's Note

reviewers: please, give me your worst! i love reading free verse and would like very much to be able to write it. i won't get anywhere without your advice! i'm sick and tired of the romantic era iambic trimeter/quatrain-rut i've been stuck in lately, and this is my first attempt at vers libre


thanks so very much,
c.

Reviews

[Wildecat]

Ahh the moon, I liked your poem it was a pleasure to read.

[Rosary]

I dont know the technacalities in writing that well so i dont think i will give advice in that area but i have a question why the moon are you just writing to write or is there something connecting you to the moon i think you should describe that in the piece in my opinion and if you dont just out of curiosity let me know

[Jacquelene Vanessa More..]

i enjoy the subject. some stanza's could do without all u need is some shaprpening to do stanza's (such as
The moon and i,
Ah, the moon and i.
I'll break us apart
To see where
we'll go { it's not needed)