The Leeward Shore:

Come gather ’round people Wherever you roam And admit that the waters Around you have grown - Bob Dylan

The Leeward Shore: 

Passing tangent on tempest edge

gale winds fill billowed sails

souls aboard consumed by dread 

tacking west to setting sun.

Fault riddled journey races on 

void of peace hope is gone

life’s jetsam rides the ancient tide

in gyres flowing side by side.

Without new dawn’s breaking light

in each breast does flow

dread visions of a moonless night

fear of death a constant foe.

Gazed through these mortal eyes

at desperate earthly fate

without a redemption horizon line

expecting a tryst with death. 

On leeward shore a shadow line

beyond severed veil viewed 

an anchorage for the souls of men 

entered by a faith alone trial.

As final deliverance now is clear

breath comes in easy sighs

allaying all inner fears

willingly we lay down to die.

Reviews

[redd Brick Keshner]

Carl, I think the revision really benefits from the tighter 4343 ABAB structure.
It gives the piece a steadier, almost hymn‑like rhythm
fits the theme of voyage and deliverance.
The nautical imagery is strong in both versions,
but the rework feels more polished and deliberate,
especially with lines like “entered by the faithful few”
which land with more clarity than the original phrasing.

That said, the first version had a looser,
drifting quality that echoed the chaos of the sea.
There’s something atmospheric in that rawness
that the tighter form smooths out.
You might decide which effect you want more:
the storm‑tossed unpredictability of the original,
or the solemn cadence of the revision.

Either way, the closing stanza is powerful in both versions.
The shift from dread to acceptance is where the poem really breathes.

[carl]

thanks for the read and review and especially the comparison - what your saying makes perfect sense and will add to my thoughts about taking the second approach to new work as I continue, I can see where to much structure ( especially in my case when it is not come naturally ) could make the work seem forced - carl

[redd Brick Keshner]

And having both and all approaches gives us living artefacts 🕊🙏🏻

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

there is a spirit of adventure and wanderlust in these lines, a willingness or even a desire to approach danger. the persona, a matyr to an undefined cause, shows heroism and strength against the rough waves. he is an icon to a masculinity that is now long lost. i did not give into the temptation to read into the text, rather i enjoyed it as a straight forward story of a seafarer. great writing, i hope to see more works like this.

[carl]

Thanks for the read and review, much appreciate your view and glad it works on several different levels for those that read it, your enthusiasm is greatly valued. - carl

[Soren]

Such a vision in this epic poem. In a literal sense it paints a picture that could have come from Melvil or Hemingway and yet I sense a deeper metaphor of life's seas here. absolutely lovely

[carl]

You nailed my intention exactly - glad it came across as such - thanks for the read and review. much appreciated - carl

[M.E.Lyle]

My thoughts turned to the Edmond Fitzgerald. Although different circumstances, the horror must have been about the same. It's an eerie tale, and a bit dark. The picture you paint is almost visible.
Great stuff.

[carl]

one of the few songs I ever enjoyed by Gordan Lightfoot, a great talent by the way. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, much appreciate your positive and kind encouragement - carl

[Betty Hermelee]

the terror of death as the rough seas overcome….darkness occludes the horizon….yet fate and faith both come together at the end, even though death was accepted by all…..
great images of trouble on the high seas…very well written, thank you for sharing
warmly, B🌷

[carl]

Thank you so very much for the positive encouragement much appreciated. carl

[Betty Hermelee]

You are most welcome Carl
Warmly, B

[John the Baptist]

In some ways this one is similar to Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar." Through most of the poem there is uncertainty and dread. Then in the last two verses an anchorage entered only by faith appears. Seeing this, the speaker is reassured and ceases to resist death. He is ready to cross the bar.

[carl]

thank you for time to read and review. I see what you mean by the similarity to Crossing the Bar. Have not thought of the poem for a very long time. My father was a career Navy man and I remember him telling me how much he like that poem. Thanks for the memory. Your understanding of my piece is exactly what I was trying to say. pleased it came across that way. -carl