Lost

I walk through streets,
I don't know what am I doing,
I lost myself,
my brain is in a mess,
I can't remember what I did.

People look at me,
their eyes are filled with anger,
I don't know why they are doing this,
I just don't know.

I felt like I will fall anytime,
my body shakes and shakes,
everyone turned their angry eyes to me,
I am not sure what I did,
but I  knew right away,
I did  something bad.

Dogs bark at me,
kids cry as they see me,
I felt bad,
what I did I do?

Everything sounds like a dream,
I don't know when will I awake,
I lost myself,
not knowing who am I,
what have I done.

I fell into the mud,
no one give me a hand,
I sighed,
I want to scream,
or even cry,
but I can't control myself anymore,
my spirits already went away,
just leave this body.

My eyes were closed,
losing myself,
I sighed,
I just want to sleep,
whenever I am going to awake or not,
I just turn back,
to the beauty of  dreams.

Author's Note

Thanks if you write a review, thx!

Reviews

[Angelauthor1204]

I love the poem but you really need some work on the words. I agree with Cheezit...maybe you should use a different word.

[r]

First I want to say that I love this, so don't get me wrong in the crits I'm going to give you. I'm trying to be more harsh when I review, now. :)

This is repetitive, and I don't like how it says "I sighed" two stanzas in a row. It ruined the flow, to me, and this is such a confusing poem! I get how it's probably supposed to be confusing, but it really doesn't make much sense in the way you WORD things. The first stanza makes me crinkle my nose, and I almost didn't read it because it was too....blunt, too bland. In the second stanza "their eyes is" should be "their eyes ARE". And it would sound better as "People look at me//eyes full of anger" it would flow better that way. You switch from present to past tense too much; you should keep it the same tense and switch to past when it calls for it. Or keep it all past.

That's all I have to say without my mind exploding. Please don't take the criticism the wrong way; this is still a good poem where the confusion and disappointment come out nicely. :)

[Nancy S.]

You carve out the emotions with a sharp edge. well done

[Peter Joseph Swanson]

Powerful!

[Sweets]

Great poem, It totally expressed your feeling of loss, I love it! =D

[Adelia Alighieri]

Very good, I love the flow. Well done!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very hard and cold poem. It is a dream? The poem took me with the poor person into abuse and hate. She falls into the mud and no-one cares. I like the ending. Wishing for a better dream. A very good poem.
Coyote