saturday

waiting and waiting and waiting for love...

A clock ticking – imperceptibly its hand slows
As it closes in on the hour, on the final hour it goes.
Tic tock, tic, tock ,  t  i  c  k   t     o      .
Slowing, time is crawling now like a snail lost
An apple falls from Newton's tree and nearly stops
A sparrow in flight slows his wings tied up in knots
These last few hours in their sluggish ooze
Make so much time for me in which to lose
My mind - as it runs like lightning this way and that
Dividing every possibility, probability and fact
Don't Think she said, don't worry, just act
Why is so hard, in this vacuum, to react?

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Creatively written, nice word choices. Thanks for entering my contest and the best of luck.

[Satine]

Very effective word choices which visually depicts time droning on or in fact in slow motion, until you get to the bit starting with this line;

"Make so much time for me in which to lose
My mind - as it runs like lightning this way and that....."

The change-up from slow motion to frantic thoughts could perhaps be a little more smoother and/or extended. Maybe a line break before this bit would suffice or even perhaps exclaimation marks (!) after the lines? But then in the last line of the poem;

"Why is so hard, in this vacuum, to react?"

Refers the reader back again to the slowing of time...making the last line feel out of sequence. I'd probably drop the last line altogether as the second to last line seems to be where the poem wants to stop naturally;

"Don't Think she said, don't worry, just act(!)"

Just a few thoughts,

Satine