Jealousy

It was this curb,

This corner, that swallowed your laughter.

I remember how your eyes used to light up,

But I also remember how they were bruised red

And empty.

I can't even muster the anger that used to burn within my legs,

Pushing me forward.

I wonder how long ago it was;

I've stopped counting days.

I used to think you were lucky, getting to leave us all behind.

Now it's just f*****g obvious.

I sit in my familiar spot, the place I've sat every single day wishing you were here.

Although, recently, I've found myself wishing I was gone, instead.

You b*****d, leaving us all behind.

Sometimes I wonder if you planned it --

The ice was a perfect excuse, if you did.

Don't think I haven't considered it.

Every time the ice coats these streets I can feel my hands itching,

Aching to the right --

That curb, that pole, they're right there.

It'd have a sort of poetic justice.

I'd like to go the same way you did;

Maybe we could find each other more easily that way.

I can feel the glass warping around me,

The road embracing me.

They would all call it cowardice if they discovered the truth,

But I say it's just f*****g justice.

I shouldn't have to wander this sidewalk alone every god damn day

Or live next to the street corner where you died.

I drive a bit more recklessly every time I pass that small white cross --

Maybe it really will be an accident,

Or perhaps I'll finally give up on this ridiculous survival instinct.

The skies are again threatening wintry storms,

And I find myself shivering in anticipation.

What a way to go, glass strewn about your broken body,

Blood clotting on the frozen concrete.

You won the f*****g lottery that day, my friend.

But you were so much more than that.