venus

a girl that interested me on the train. an attempt to combat writer's block.

pale and close to a miracle 

her inhales consist of silk and she can't help

that her body looks like a question mark.

feeling at home in the florescence 

as the train nears morton grove

she drifts to the sliding doors, blending in

with the metal as pieces of her flesh wick away

against the rubber chair 

like pearls falling from an evening dress.

she is transparent.

reality seeps into her windows

like a plum ink blot the shape of chicago

exposing the stained glass words engraved in her skin.

she would speak, but she only knows

varying degrees of poetry. 

through my aperture

she is venus exposed

and i am too opaque. 

Reviews

[DCT ponderings]

Well you have quite a way of fighting writer's block. Love this. It made me wonder how I might appear to an outside observer. There were so many parts of this that were fabulous. Her body a questions mark, her flash wicking away like pearls on a gown, reality seeping into her transparency. Seriously well written and the end my fav.

through my aperture
she is venus exposed
and i am too opaque.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i've always wondered myself how i'd be described by another writer...

[Frieda P]

Amazing read for someone with writer's block, I think you cracked that code with this one Dana....I know I'm late to the party, still doing catchup....

like pearls falling from an evening dress.
she is transparent.

Love that, great read!

[Dana Alsamsam]

no worries! i've been doing plenty of catching up as well in terms of read requests. thank you so much :)

[Frieda P]

This is what happens when you stay away too long, my pleasure always Dana. :-)

[kublakhan27]

I'd say mission accomplished in killing the block Dana haha This is a totally original piece with some very unique imagery...I'm not sure there's much else I can even say...awesome work :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much!

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure Dana :)

[Richard]

I loved this I just absolutely loved it :) pure gold

[Tomahawk Joe]

Soft and smooth flow very pleasant to read

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Beautifully written. Love the imagery, it's inspirational.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for stopping by and giving me a read :)

[Astro]

Love the vivid imagery in this one Dana. You always seem to write interesting thoughts when you are in transit. I like that because I've always used transit, and because of it I've been afforded with some amazing sights and perspectives into humanity. I would have wrote "inhalations" or "breaths" instead of "inhales" but other than that, I wouldn't worry too much about the writer's block, just take a ride and inspiration will find you my friend.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thanks for the suggestion and for all of your great reviews on my recent pieces. something about sitting on the train alone at night inspires me!

[Astro]

Me too! :)

[Archangel Gabriel]

Well if this is writer's block I want some. This is a beautifully flowing piece so well described of what you were observing and told in vivid pictures of words as always.

[Dana Alsamsam]

haha you're so kind! thank you :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I like this observational style. I often do the same when I am feeling "blocked"...I will just look around until I find something that I think I can write about and then I force myself to do it; most of the time it works, as it has here in your case.

I think this piece really picks up speed in the latter half...the idea of her standing up and becoming like "a plum ink blot the shape of chicago" was brilliant. I also enjoyed "through my aperature/she is venus exposed"--the "camera" imagery was quite a nice touch. Overall, I think this one was pretty well done. Glad you decided to share it!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you very much for your kind words! observation is sometimes what writers do best and is a great place to go when i'm feeling wordless.

[B-poet]

A interesting observational written poem. Visual perception is the best inspiration as long as what you're looking at is appealing to the eye. I hope your writer's block will be a temporary detour along the road for your written poetry. Great work. A creatively interesting read & write. :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you! i hope i'm able to explore some new themes as well :)