The Afternoon of the 30th of April 2007

A ponder via a wonder nearly squandered ;)

the unanticipated rain steals the blossom of the early summer trees
the pools of water gather in the gardens and drown unaware bugs and bees
i open my window further to drag in the cool freshening breeze
i watch a neighbour trying to rush to their door to stay dry and they fumble with their keys

A train rushes by in the distance and sounds a horn to alert workers on the line
a crow swoops down past my window as the clouds burst back with a splash of sunshine
i reach for my cup of tea and pick at the scab on my left knee at four of the hour and nine
an aeroplane flies elevated i ponder contemplative where I'll be next year at this exact time

Reviews

[Maria G.]

I like the way you describe just another day in such descriptive detail.
I enjoyed the first stanza especially lines

'the unanticipated rain steals the blossom of the early summer trees
the pools of water gather in the gardens and drown unaware bugs and bees'

The ending lines leave the reader wanting more and also wondering where indeed you will be next year.

[L.P. Hawkins]

The rhyming structure, your choice in words, and the tempo which you used--all combined into a wonderful description of the events which you had seen is what makes this an exceptional poem. Excellent work! I hope to read more from you.

[Ebby]

Yet again Dan, you thrill me with your incredible ryhthm. It's greedy-reading, I want to read it all at once, and then go back for more, for a closer reading. These pieces are made to be read aloud.
I love this part:

i open my window further to drag in the cool freshening breeze
i watch a neighbour trying to rush to their door to stay dry and they fumble with their keys

You use rhyme in the best possible way, with not a shadow of been-there-done-that.
Let me know every time you write more.
xxxxxxxxxx Elizabeth Spack.