Recovery?

I've seen two people.

That I'm very close to.

Do it. 

But last night. 

One gave in. 

But he swears to never again.

I've tried a few times. 

And came close.

But it always comes back.

I can't do it. 

I know I can't. 

If I can get my hands on a blade.

I will. 

No matter how much better.

Things are. 

I still can find a reason. 

And I hate that about me...