Panic

One of a handful of poems about a 2007 hospital experience - and perhaps a little singsong rhymy

 

Panic

 

Panic climbed with stealthy step

a small pain right of center crept

the voice of straining pectorals

gastritis wandering cannon balls

no exercise, no spicy food to fault

 

Wishful thoughts talk panic down

but this clown squeezed back in urgent tones

“Take Tums at once,” it rasped.

“Don’t drive the car in pain, you’ll crash,”

spoke muscles’ clenched resentful grasp

 

Battle lines were drawn, redrawn:

thoughts of “can’t it wait for morn?”

as spasms rocked the sweatered chest,

lungs were squirming ‘neath the breast

while daughter’s party passed its crest

 

Decisions tick-tocked like a clock

‘til pain-drenched loss of breath took stock;

he called for help with ribs cinched tight.

An ambulance set out stark for flight

as pain and panic ruled the night.

 

A spray of nitro ‘neath the tongue,

a morphine shot’s soft song was sung

as panicked breaths subside their hate,

as pain, like tides, draws back, abates,

the panicked man is left to wait

 

 

Reviews

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Well done David! I thoroughly enjoyed this, however because your description indicates that this poem is a true story I am compelled to express my concern. How are you? It sounds terrible!Well done David! I thoroughly enjoyed this, however because your description indicates that this poem is a true story I am compelled to express my concern. How are you? It sounds terrible!

I like how you explain the uncertainty, not sure whether it's serious enough to dial 911 or not. The poem moved quickly and with strength, however it didn't move so quickly as to lose atmosphere or feeling. I oftentimes envy your talent, well done. Here's a spelling error:

"while daughter�s party passed it crest"
- it needs to be "it's"

I'll end my review with a summary of my favorite expressions.

"as spasms rocked the sweatered chest,"
- Skillful use of alliteration between spasms/sweatered added something special to this line I really enjoyed.

"as panicked breaths subside their hate,
as pain, like tides, draws back, abates,"
- First of all, great rhyme between hate/abates, and second of all, great wording in the second line I quoted here. The lack of interconnecting words here adds to immediacy, puts us in the moment as the pain/tightness slowly subsides.

Great read,
- Tiger

[T. L. O'Neal]

It seemed like a bad experience for sure. But I feel the poem could have been stronger and the point would come across better without all the rhyming. It seemed to take away from the severity of the situation. T

[Cari Lynn Vaughn]

I hope you don't ever have to go through that again! I was totally there with you. Your descriptions were wonderful and it flowed smoothly. Great job!

[Torre]

I liked the flow of this poem. I think you gave the reader a pretty good grasp on what having a heart attack is like.

[Krystal Waters]

A vivid reality of a heart attack. I could see the entire scene as you wrote the words down. Yes, I would feel panic too... the body just tells you. Very good.

*Cupid* I love Queen! great song for that poem.



Kristine

[Gandré]

This was really an impressive poem.
I was able to feel something pushing
against my chest.
very vivid.
"Decisions tick-tocked like a clock
�til pain-drenched loss of breath took stock;
he called for help with ribs cinched tight. " ===>>>> you proved a great ability to desribe it. thank you for sharing with me.

[J.P. Bristow]

wow...an eye opener.......I hope you or whomever it was is o.k....

[R. MonaLeza]

Oh my goodness, how I could relate to this. I went through the same thing ten years ago. Frightening to say the least. Makes one take stock of how great each day is! Fabulous!

[Barry S. Maltese]

I like how you've taken a trip to the ER and made a pretty good poem out of it. The rhyme flows smoothly, and gives a great description of a frieghtening evening as it unfolds. Scarey, but enjoyable!!