Wild Rhythm

 

The tiger’s heartbeat

Has a jungle rhythm not

Suited for concrete.

Reviews

[Renée]

Nicely done Wild Child ! ( ;

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you so much,

[Renée]

My Pleasure ...just watch out for those trees! q ;

[Priscilla Sayers]

So true and powerful words that stand strong. Point made yet, this lion lives amongst the concrete jungle pacing restless from.... NO Sleep! lol.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you so much for the review and your thoughts.

[SkinlessFrank]

Ain't no city slicker

[Helen Crutchett]

I liked this, very nice indeed Dale!

[Fréyjä Helv..]

That tiger would rock my world... lols...

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Awesome.

[Brittany]

This reminds me of the saying 'you can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl.' it's good to know where you belong, and even better if you get to live there. Nice job.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

That is a great point, thank you.

[xx]

A lovely and thoughtful haiku that highlights the incompatibility of the straight-edged urban world and the rugged wild.

It's only natural for readers to see multiple possible interpretations of any poem. For instance, I juggled with the idea that this haiku was criticizing the practice of keeping wild animals in captivity in human-centered establishments, but I didn't pick up on any critical or scolding intent as I read through the poem. It felt as if you were merely pointing out a natural fact, something that deserved to be acknowledged by all.

I tend to lump haiku in with all the other types of poems, but I do know that haiku stick to the 5-7-5 syllable rule. While I'm not a stickler for syllables and meter so much as being able to understand the message that needs to reach the reader, I did think it was odd that the second line cut off at "not" rather than completing at least a fragment of a thought. For instance, I might have reworded the second and third lines/completely disregarded the syllable rule in order to avoid this. For example, I might have done this:

a) ...has a jungle rhythm/not suited for concrete

b) ...beats to a jungle rhythm/not meant for concrete

...but that's why you're the poet, and I the reader! I was never much of a poet anyway, so don't pay any special mind to what I said there. It was just a neutral comment on how you chose to treat those last two lines, and honestly, I think the way you handled them was interesting. I wouldn't have thought to end the second line on "not," but by doing so, you force the reader to string the second and third lines together in order to formulate a "full" fragment of a thought (oxymoron, I know, but I'm not sure how to phrase it. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, though Dx). If you had done something like variation a), this poem wouldn't have been a haiku. If you had done something like variation b), the reader could easily insert a pause between the middle and last line, dividing this "fragment" into two parts. But I realized after reading through this haiku that the sentence reads smoothly, with only one break - between line one and line two. And this break emphasizes the rhyming of "heartbeat" and "concrete" - very nice, I liked that.

Very impressive work! I don't think this review was constructive at all - so just know that I appreciated reading this haiku, and I hope you continue to share more of your work with us. Happy writing! :)

-Mina

Well that must have been a jackhammer lol :D wildly beautiful!
Glad to be back for a bit, and read this lovely art again he he

~ Eli

[Clayton Bardwell]

This one I can feel in my soul. Too many tiger's on concrete. More than you may know.

A technical question for my education; Robbie descibed it as a Senryu, it has the 5/7/5 syllabels and a reference to nature, albeit no reference to the seasons, why is it not a Haiku?

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I guess I don't see it as nature but rather wild life... I guess come to think of it you can see it either way depending on your view. Thanks for the review.

[VelvetRosetta]

So few words yet you have captured the true essence of wild instinct and freedom. Love it!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are right on the money... Thank you.