Guard it Close

Guard it close no one else has a hold
keep it warm and never let it grow cold.
always hold it tight
especially at night.
Guard it close no on else has a hold.

Spin the wheel that controls my fate
where did this come from all this hate.
to toss it in the trash
was not even rash.
spin the wheel that controls my fate.

round and round it goes, spinning me into the ground
forgetting your guard i'll be buried under the mound.
bleed it out it never stops
run away just because it drops.
round adn round it goes, spinning into the ground

Reviews

[Joshua Donahue]

really nice! but i would love to know what it is that is being "guarded". maybe it's obvious and i just dont see it. haha. but all in all, nice form and nice words! love it!

P.S.: Check your last line at the second word. It's misspelled. Just thought I would let you know!

[Kasey Jones]

Nice rhythm and flow. The rhymes weren't forced at all. Clever wording. Maybe you should add some commas within the lines to separate it a bit so people know where to pause when reading. For example a comma after 'from' in the second line, second stanza, would help a lot.

[Ice QueenJen]

A very interesting way to write about your life, and how it spins around like a wheel choosing your fate. Good write, deepshade.

Yet when one word is misspelled it stops a reader dead in the tracks, just thought I would mention it.

[deepshade]

yeah...a friend and i were talking about love and how it should be kept not tossed around and this hit me. after i wrote it out i tripped and it quiet litterally hit me.

[Ian]

Nice piece!
I liked how you mixed the words together to create such a great piece
Good job!

[Martina]

Nice and well written the words
and lines you choose made an impact.
well done :)

[Ian Faraway]

I Hate to be the bad guy, I liked the poem I really did. But when I read it, it seemed that some of the rhymes were forced. Other than that it was good.

[Crowley]

Nice, the repeating lines made good impact. the flow and rythym were very good. I liked it.

[Marshall Hanson]

Good job! I agree with everyone. Alot of twist and turns that lead to a beautiful ending. Keep up the good work.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting story in your words. The beginning was to hold tight. Then to toss in the trash. I like the poem. A lot of twist and turns with a very good ending. A very good poem.
Coyote