the braeburn

considering the braeburn apple

according to wiki

the braeburn is “though to be”

the progeny of the

granny smith

&

the lady hamilton

now, don’t get me wrong

as a kid, i won’t lie, i enjoyed the granny smith

what with its unique, and if i might say,

alluring

granny smith apple © color

setting it aside from the routine

variations on the color

red

but i have never heard of the

“lady hamilton”

and i must admit

i’m a bit suspicious about the supposed parents of the

braeburn

i haven’t seen the papers on this alleged “lady hamilton” myself

and being that my trust lies with the

scientific method

well, i’d like to take the lady to the lab

and get down to the nitty-gritty on her true origin

because as far as i’m concerned she could be spawned

from the incestuous “royal” family of britian

for all i know, granny and the lady went to town on each other

and somehow produced this mutant thing we call a

braeburn

maybe it was something extraterrestrial

a gray came down and made its move on the lady

maybe the writers of the fictional god character

who worked on the jesus myth

found a need to go even further and cook themselves up another

tall tale

and create the

braeburn

you know, something along the lines of

the lady or the granny or both of em’

bein’ immaculately conceived in something like a

nativity fruit bowl

anyway

when it comes down to it

the braeburn

is what you purchase in the fruit section of your local grocery

when there are no galas or fujis

due to the fact that i fell out of the love of that

green luster

brought to us by the granny smith

basically, because my jaw does that lock up thing that happens

when you suck down some sour food

and i’m just not cool with that

anymore

the braeburn is the third choice

it shines like the fuji and the gala

but it tastes more like a mcintosh that has been frozen

losing it’s sweetness and gaining a little brown on the inside

still

lets give the braeburn props

even if it is something of a b*****d malus domestica

it fulfils the need in the avid

apple consumer

no doubt, physicians in the world would recommend the braeburn

as a sufficient contender for the

“apple a’ day” placement in the lives of

healthy homo sapiens

so

in conclusion

lets give the braeburn a stamp of approval

even if it doesn’t really taste that good

and it’s the b*****d of an alien, a fictious god creation or

some quirky lesbian apple sex between

granny and the lady. 

Reviews

[Monatora]

I love apples. Just had to say that.
This is also one of the most creative pieces writing I've seen. Loved it.