aries (march 21st-april 19th)

see note for reviewers.

the aries is an independent sheep,

it can often be seen trailing off from the

herd long enough to graze on some new

shiny glass that it had seen off in the

distance while it was trudging along behind

the other sheep, who were all following

the sheep ahead of them.

 

the aries are social sheep who will stay together

while chawing away at the grass in front of

them---they often require 4 or more sheep around

them even when they are taking a piss,

and when they get urine all over their wooly

backside, they often cannot clean themselves

without the strict observation of another couple

of sheep present.

 

these kind of sheep are not the ones that frequent

the hot-spot sheep places, like the ponds or that

sweet patch of garbage-laden grass right near the

highways, as they are quite often insecure about

themselves, always trying to be the best in the

bunch, and often wary of how close they have

actually come to their own sheep expectations. 

 

the aries ewe is passionate and always out there

ba-ba-ing for the attempt at gestation.  she looks

out for herself while even still part of the numb

& leader following herd.  what she does is look

out for her own amidst the rams waiting to

procreate.  she prefers to walk with rams for as

long as they will graze with her, and often she

gets to sleep within 4 or 5 sheep from a chosen

ram at any time.  she would stay in the midst of

one ram forever, if that ram didn’t go off to

gestate with another, as quickly as his libido did

instruct.

 

the aries ram hardly rests, always on the go and

ready for that ever-so-adventurous walk from the

grass to the ewe he is presently impregnating, and

back again.  the ewes look upon him with sweet

gazes & he looks back, flexing out his bucking

chest.  the aries ram is open to many different kind

of sheep connections, and may be seen copulating

with other rams in the afternoon sunlight.  rams often

try to engage in bucking intercourse with other

members of the animal kingdom.  it is hard for them

though, because speciesism runs deep in the wild.

a ram will consider themselves lucky to have a

one night stand with a horse, or possibly a dog,

depending on the mutual attraction. 

 

the aries erogenous zone is usually found directly

beneath the chin.  you may see them in a large field

nuzzling one another under the chin, hoping to get

each other off.  when an aries ram or ewe

masturbates, they sit on their hind legs and rub their

chin with their front hooves.

 

sexual intercourse between aries sheep is said to be

quite rough.  because they both have such determination

that reveals itself in their everyday activities, they

often find themselves using this energy in the field.

to come upon two aries sheep copulating can be a

bit disturbing for other species, as the slamming of

heads and genitals can seem counterproductive, yet

still, they seem to enjoy it.   

Author's Note

“Astrology furnishes a splendid proof of the contemptible subjectivity of men. It refers the course of celestial bodies to the miserable ego: it establishes a connection between the comets in heaven and squabbles and rascalities on earth.”

-Arthur Schopenhauer


“Astronomy to the selfish becomes astrology.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson