charlie d.

see note for reviewers.

ode to the tomfoolery of

charlie d.---

i  praise ye

d.,

sweet falstaff of this postmodern age

who causes us to cachinnate,

stumbling backward in

ha-ha’s,

be it when you give a guy a box full of

hornets, aptly marked

“H,”

or sit across the table from an attractive lawyer,

visibly sweating profusely from your armpits,

telling her that you are a “full on rapist”

(misunderstanding that you were supposed to tell her

you were a “philanthropist”)---

all in the attempt to gain her already lost

affection.

 

most recently in the years you have spent

as the butt of many jokes & jabs by your

it’s always sunny in philadelphia

cohorts,

one can see only a unique magic which comes with

the tone of your voice

when ecstatically announcing the creation of your

“kitten mittons,”

or

beating fruits & batting tomatoes with

your “rat stick,”

which wrapped in chains & full of long rusty nails

sticking out

every which way,

would most certainly do the job when you go back down to

the basement of

paddy’s

in order to kill off all the rats that you can.

 

i submit to the comedic jury,

that your special brand of antics stands taller

than the likes of richards as “kramer” or

kaufman as “latka.”

 

thanks you charlie for the laughter,

whether on it’s always sunny or

elsewhere,

please keep it coming.

Author's Note

Panicking about what he’d do if the bar were sold:

“Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?!”

-Charlie Day as “Charlie” in “The Gang Sells Out” Episode 7 of Season 3: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia