the loophole

“the way out is through” -title of a song off NIN’s album, The Fragile

in the dark without distraction the wretchedness of

distorted & painful memories wash over our psyche

like a flood of fluid napalm burning the layer skin off

quicker than the ginsu on an onion & the places in

which were said to never be heard of again come back

stomping, beating, screaming, tearing, standing strong

amidst the bloody howl of distress & all desperate

action in the attempt to make such horrors dissipate.

 

a loophole exists, however, & here is where it gets

tricky, only if one allows it to become so---as it is

known of course to the terrorized that the mind, which

at present has allowed for the abhorrent to take over,

committing atrocities within the waking & sleeping

states, must continue to win against the will of what

is left inside if it is to abolish the being in question.

 

in conjunction with the heart (both physical &

metaphorical), the mind now dominates, sending

shockwaves back at itself, constantly bringing forth

new pain all over the body, while the will to fight

can grow weaker even still.

 

to find the loophole one must become angry---it is

the only way, for anger is pure & unadulterated when

used to survive amidst one’s own methods of self-

destruction---be it in the waking or the sleeping state,

one needs to harness all that is left, all that can still

be recognized as “mine” & not the brainwashed

sorrow & suicidal pattern of the ever so determined

memory bank which throbs like a pulsing vein

ready to explode.

 

when one’s will gets the mind’s memory by the throat, it

focuses every iota of its ceasing strength, it becomes

known that the being in total is stronger than one part &

the need to annihilate the memories which lit this sudden

fuse becomes quite evident.

 

facing the greatest fear oneself could produce in order

to eliminate the body by the eradication of the mind,

our will succeeds in strangling the memories---it does

not let them win over the rest of us & only in this are

we free to exist in the present again.