the sandals & shorts guy

please, stop this man.

you know him if you live in a warm climate---

he doesn’t stick out because in a warm climate,

many choose to don shorts & sandals,

sometimes they even go shirtless

when the heat calls for the stripping of the layers---

and in such places,

he doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb,

because he’s just trying to stay cool

like everybody else.

 

however,

in the colder climates,

in areas where the winter chill can now be felt

amidst the passing of autumn

(that wonderful transition whereby people begin to

cover themselves in layers in order to

produce the greatest possible warmth & comfort

throughout the more frigid times of the year),

most people choose to layer-up as opposed to

strip down,

and so in the winter you get to see humans

all bulked up like puffballs

waiting patiently for the cold wind, drastic drop in

temperatures & snow

to pass,

if that is what they desire

(because many people do like the winter).

 

but there is that guy,

you know him if you’ve been there in a grocery store,

having just walked in through the 25-30 degrees below

zero &

there he is holding his little red basket,

clothed in nothing more than blue shorts, a t-shirt &

flip-flops---

what motivated this man?

is he truly too hot in 20-30 below?

has the icy rain not brought influenza into his life quick enough?

is he trying to get a date in the produce section of a grocery store by being

“that guy,”

who is “unique” enough to be wearing nothing at all in the

frigid winter?

 

push your shopping cart quicker towards this man

push it faster than you have ever pushed it before

push it,

be it one of those short old-people carts, or just a regular sized one &

hit him in the shins, the knees, the balls,

really anything that will alert him---

for it is clear that he has overestimated his

worth.