The Shroud of Urine

keep your faith in your pants, where it belongs. Piss Painting, 1978 urine on gesso on canvas by Andy Warhol

after swilling as much sicera

as he could pound down

a middle ages drunk stood over in the

corner

somewhere in the alley behind the

church,

whipped it out, closed his eyes &

flushed out all his toxins down upon

what he thought was the ground---

turns out there was a pile of cloths stuffed

in the crevice between the building &

the ground adjacent to it.

 

the cloth dried in the sun &

was stuffed in the garbage---

then, wouldn’t you know it,

one day, a devoted believer was pawing

through the refuse &

low & behold,

there layeth the holy shroud of

urine.

 

the psychotic believer held up the cloth

to the sun,

crusted with foul smelling urine &

babbled some idiosyncrasies to the sky---

with time,

one delusion lead to another &

soon the church got a hold of it.

 

believers feel that the crusted urine covered cloth resembles

the face of their perfect jesus---

he obviously was a tortured man,

anyone can tell that by the way the maggots congregated in the

little circles where his droopy eyes would be

&

the “man of the shroud” bears a moustache, a beard,

and is apparently quite buff,

standing at 6 foot 2 inches---

he of course has “wounds” that corresponded to

said big fat work of fiction &

no doubt with further study,

he will also be found to have had pretty blue eyes,

long golden hair &

it will be decided that the reason he hasn’t come back yet

is because he’s all shellacked with coppertone

somewhere in miami

hanging out with

fabio.