ejacula

see note for reviewers.

dracula (the real deal):

you know he’s been rollin’ in his coffin

since ejacula came & took over

the whole vampire scene---

as if it wasn’t hard enough to try and live off the blood of

moronic humans

for hundreds of years,

suddenly these pre-pubescent

high schoolers from “twilight,”

with their perpetually stoned eyes

(however, never actually

doing any drugs)

come along &

taint his image.

 

yes there was a time when vlad prevailed

when the people of his kingdom feared &

respected the man who fought to keep

wallachia free of the ottomans---

so much different was the man whose legacy,

illustrated for the west by stoker,

sat as a wonderfully unique novel delighting readers

for over a century,

taking its place next to shelley’s frankenstein on

the shelf & followed by the likes of

rice.

 

but as the saying goes, “all good things must come to

an end,”

and so strolled in ms. stephenie meyer

whose excrementitious mix of once interesting

vampiric lore & the quintessential teenage

stumbling over sexuality

(of which she claims: "I don't think teens need

to read about gratuitous sex.")

has become a new brew of

non-threatening pulp

which besides giving two actors who couldn’t

act their way out of a box high-paying careers

(as undeserved as the author’s),

has infected a whole generation of young women

who now have a brand new template for

abusive relationships.

 

meyer’s “abstinence porn” (as it is now

dubbed by many)

brings with it the inevitable message that women will

lose their whole sense of self in a relationship &

end up succumbing to the supposed societal norm

of having a child, that is,

a ludicrous vampire baby who will no doubt grow

up learning how to be abused just as the mother did---

this distressed damsel that stewart portrays

is so transparently based on meyer herself

that one would have to be intoxicated to a point of

blindness,

not to see it---

the real choice of a young woman to have an abortion &

not have a child with an abusive vampire

might make for a less “romantic” statement

than the twilight-drivel---

 

 

 

 

if only independence was as romantic.

Author's Note

“In an interview with USA Weekend, Stephen King took a shot at Stephenie Meyer, whose Twilight series has been a huge hit. In his words, "[J.K.] Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good."

“King says Meyer's secret is "writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It’s exciting and it’s thrilling and it's not particularly threatening because they’re not overtly sexual."


-The Baltimore Sun, Feb. 5th, 2009