the sufferer

"What do I labor for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true." -Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu -taken from “Letters Reveal Mother Teresa's Secret”

a statement:

 

“father, my faith is fleeting---i

simply cannot shake these questions

inside which plague me to no

end---i feel that all the things in this

world which made sense to me

under the power of god have begun

to fall apart & the truth that once

was, which i once held onto---

it is fading…vanishing.”

 

a response:

 

“my son, do not fret---the lord god is

simply testing you.  with each trial you

face, with each moment of questioning,

with each doubt you cast upon your faith,

you strengthen it!  you become a stronger

servant to god when you come back from

this place!  remember you are always

able to be drawn back to the devil---the

walk with god is not one which does

not have pits & branches over which you

will stumble---you must get up, dust

yourself off, and praise god for giving

you the chance to prove how strong

your faith really is in him!”

 

a statement:

 

“but why must i constantly be tested?

why must i constantly prove my own

faith when i see so many more reasons

to fall away from god?  it seems every

single day something new shows itself

to me which makes me question all that

i have been told, all that i have learned

growing up---so why should i endure

this when it all seems it is simply for

the sake of an unrequited fantasy?”

 

a response:

 

“listen to yourself, my son.  do you

think our savior didn’t go through his

own questioning of what the prophets had

said?  do you think it was easy for him

to suffer for the sins of the world?  he

died on the cross for you---he died on

the cross!  he did this so that you will

have eternal life---but you must put your

faith in him, and it must not falter,

despite your temporal moments of

doubt.  ask yourself this, do you want to

be the one whose faith is in question

when our savior returns to judge the

living and the dead?  do you want to be

THAT GUY?”

 

a statement:

 

“i guess not…i guess not, father.”