the agoraphobic

with deep chartreuse eyes

big & peering through the crowd

assembled against her will

at her family’s home

she slowly makes it through

with arms folded & gripping herself

but the first attack is what sends them back &

it comes on like a tornado

hurdling over the plains, off in the distance,

and then as if without warning

tearing through her consciousness,

destroying all remnants of the immediate moment.

 

so she turns & runs back to the first room that she finds empty

locking the door behind her,

screaming to herself,

rocking backwards & forwards

wanting the comfort of her own dwelling

wanting to never leave again.

 

her breathing quickens,

she gasps & gasps

as if climbing to the surface of a lake in the winter

whose ice she has fallen through,

yet though she can see the sun through the translucent barrier,

she has not the strength to break the ice &

her heart is beating so fast

she feels as if it is going to explode in her chest.

 

rocking back & forth

rocking back & forth

whimpering & wishing she was back in her home

alone,

comfortable & safe.