Fragment of Don't Turn the Light's Out

This is a fragment of the book I'm writing. It's based on a true story so I need honest opinions and tips to make it great.

..."If it helps," she starts, "the doctors are really trying.
"Yeah? Well I don't think they are!"
She sighs. "Caylynne, I hope you know that they honestly are. They are really giving him all they've got." I shake my head and watch the rain. Something bad is bubbling up.
"Caylynne..." I can't stand it anymore. I blow.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"
"I..."She pats my hand.
"GO!" I scream as tears start pouring down my face. A hurt look crosses her face. The employees are staring, gaping really...

Author's Note

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviews

[Jocie]

what is this saying..I don't understand.

[Phillitup]

It's a fragment of the book I'm writing. It's based on the true story of Cam's death. In this scene the main character (his older sister) is about to get really hurt, and she gets really mad at her tutor, claiming that nobody cares and nobody can do anything for her little brother.

[Jocie]

oh what do u need e to help with

[Phillitup]

nothing...thanks. this event has caused my life to change. in good and bad.

[Phillitup]

cam never actually had an older sister...its from my perspective. he only has a little brother

[Jocie]

well I hope ur life is good..and I hope nothing bad happens anymore at least for a long time.

[Jocie]

oh ok. nice to know.

[Phillitup]

thanks...

[Jocie]

I wish u the best

[Aurora Dawn]

It's good, Id like to read more.

[Phillitup]

I'll try...

[Phillitup]

I'm glad you liked it.

[angelface13]

It was good. You should change the part that says somethings bad to read something bad. It was really good. Begging for more!

[Phillitup]

Thanks for the grammatical correction! I changed it!

[angelface13]

No problem!