A letter to Ricochet's real life X wife

I wrote this striaght. No rhymes, no editing, no nothing. I'm likely to delete this

I can't write about you

I try

I can't get past one line

How beautiful you were

Your dorky sense of humor

What an adorable nerd you could be

What a sultry goddess you could be

What you smelt like

What you tasted like

What you felt like

How you could slay me just by walking through a door

How your warm feminine glow could light up a room

How much fun you were to talk to

How intelligent you were

How I felt when my buddies said how hot you were

How Jealous I could get when guys tried running game on you

How fantasic sex was with you

How we could just lye together for hours and just be

How I felt the day I found out you were non classic bi polor and bulemic

How I felt the days I saw you behave like an insane woman

How worried I was about you and us and the world on 9/11

How worried I was about you and us when I found out my unit was being deployed to Afganistan

How incredible you looked, felt, smelt and tasted the day I pulled you into me and started kissing and carressing you at in the airport after I came home from that stinking shithole of a country

How beautiful it felt to have sex with you and eat real food with you for 3 days straight without leaving our apartment

How angry, guilty, confused and frightend I was when I found out you were binging and purging again while I was gone

How I felt when I finally convinced you to get some help

How I felt when It looked like you were getting better and how worried I was cause Iwe knew my unit was being deployed to Iraq

How much stress I felt worring about you, us and being deployed to the most violent place on earth

How I felt the day I left

How incredible it was to be back with you again

How maddening it was to find out you were back to your insane tricks again

How I felt about the fights with you on your bad days

How beautiful you were to be with on your good days

How much guilt I felt when I had thoughts like I couldn't wait to be redeployed cause dealing with Haji and the corps was easier than dealing with you

How I felt the day I decided to leave the corps because I was choosing you

How I felt when I fought tooth and nail to save us

How I felt when I knew I'd failed

How I felt the day I signed those f*****g divorce papers

How I felt doing some of the devient s**t I did after you left just to try to feel something besides the aching black hole you and the war left in me

How I feel when I miss you so much I want to curl up and die

Baby, why didn't you want to get better

Why did you believe that f*****g evil witch in your head.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

What a moving, real, and vulnerable piece this is. Your writing is always intense and
honest, but this reveals the heart of you. Relationships with, loving someone with such battles is perplexing and heartbreaking. We want to help them, but they have to reach that place when they are ready.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx Shimmerbliss. Before I wrote this I read a story on this site called "A battle field of Numbers" By Ama May Cooper. The story was about anarexia and it struck a deep chord in me. If it hadn't been for that story I'd not have written this. I can write about a lot of personal stuff, be snarky, take the piss and push the envelope but writing stuff about my X wife. THat's practically impossible. It's just to deep in the bone

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Just as her posting spoke to you, this one will speak to the heart's of many. It has touched me deeply.

[nigrum homonculus]

jesus that was heavy. read that with my hand over my mouth in shock man. powerful write man. one of your best.

[Baby Ricochet]

Now you know

[Tai Ryens]

Ah, raw emotions and the tears of sorrow were shed in the writing of this poem. I felt every stab, every moment of joy, every moment emotions were felt. Losing someone to such a disorder must be heartbreaking . . .

[Baby Ricochet]

thank Tai. Now you know

[Pax]

wow, full of raw emotions, honesty and your showing your weak side that you needed her but then reality strikes. Its hard, keep strong my friend.
you dont need rhyming for an emotional poem, its speaks to itself, the truth you spoke and make the readers feel your words.
great write.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[sienikeha]

heavy, intense, striking. deeply honest.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Ryan Halterman]

man you can't delete this and you should not edit it or change it in anyway. I have never been to war. I couldn't join because I have to take psych meds but I have been in a marriage that was like a war with her and myself. Trying to save someone who refuses to be saved. I could feel it all again reading this. Truth is its been ten years and I still haven't written much about her. Hard to find the words to describe that sort of pain and loss but you did it here and you did it well. It is a drastic deviation from your other pieces but I can still hear the same voice speaking. I am sorry you had to go through that too divorce is a m**********r and a half. Anyway I really like this its honest real and raw. I have yet to read something of yours I haven't enjoyed or related to or felt myself at some point.Glad to have the chance to read your stuff.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Patricia B. Hepler]

The strength shown by trusting others with your inner thoughts is exceptional. This personal offering could be the beginning of your soul's cathartic experience, which many people cannot achieve.
Excellent. Peace.... ~ pat

[Baby Ricochet]

Yeah, It's definitely personal. Thanx

[Persephone]

You have shaken me to the core with this one - I dont know how anyone could read thia and not be shaken - you have summed it up here......the battle with the one we love most is the hardest to lose - this is a magnificent work and im glad you decided to share it with us

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx Persephone. Honestly I don't know what to think. It makes me feel very exposed. It's not a poem or anything. Just me thinking about her.

[Persephone]

In my opinion, a poem is nothing more than one person conveying a feeling to another on paper- and you've certainly done that here- call it what you will, but to me it is a great poem

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx. I appreciate that.

[Michael G.]

This is an honest write. You can take it down, if you so please. It's you... and yours do with as you please. You got it outside of you so you can see it for what it is.
I see this as a part of the healing process.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx michael

[Marie]

When someone won't/ can't/doesn't get better, the only thing you can do is disassociate your self. That's the way life works.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx Marie