Designated driver

I'll let your drunk a*s use my phone

If you need to call for a ride home

What's that you little drunken gnome

  you want to write a drunken poem

not under ricohcet's accuont you're not

Oh no that's not what this is about

You need to give your wife a shout

So she can bring the cash to bail you out

 

No dude p***y doesn't rhyme with drunk

      Or alcoholic little s**t a*s punk

I should have locked your a*s in the trunk

If i'd known you were gonna get this skunked

 

No dog I don't play that way anymore

I've seen this movie a few times before

Got my a*s kicked by bouncers galore

 had my sorry a*s thrown through a door

 

 threw up on that cop's big black shoes

Got Beaten with night sticks on Fox news

Wallet keys and car I manage to lose

All that s**t started with a couple of brews

 

I'm taking your drunk a*s back to your place

No way are you throwing up in my space

You can wake up on your lawn a disgrace

With a big german shepard humping your face

 

Wouldn't that be a beautiful sight

Raped by dog in the pale morning light

What in the f**k did we do last night

You're gonna give birth to puppies fleabite

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[James William Dyer]

I like how humorous your poetry is.

[Kushal]

Extremely funny. Extremely slapstick yet extremely witty! :) :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reading Designated Driver Kushal. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Corset]

Rothlmao, oh that's too funny. especially the last 4 stanzas , my favorite, total slap stick, awesome!

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Thank you for reading my work Corset.

[Ees]

Love this! Been there. Just last week I was dragging my friend Britt out, because the bouncers asked me too, she was making out with a fat dude and alternately insulting asians. She likes asians, she'd not racist, but apparently when she is drunk she feels the need to insult them.
Hahaha, fantastically funny poem!
I love when you call him "little drunken gnome"- such a great line!
There were some places that I personally feel like would have helped me read it if it had a comma, like in the last line, if you put a comma in before "fleabite" so I realize that fleabite was the, uh, shall we say term of endearment rather then a continuation of the earlier part of the line.
But anyway I really, really liked this!

[Baby Ricochet]

Oh ok. I'll fix it. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading my work

[Ees]

No problem. I really liked it!

[Ees]

Love this! Been there. Just last week I was dragging my friend Britt out, because the bouncers asked me too, she was making out with a fat dude and alternately insulting asians. She likes asians, she'd not racist, but apparently when she is drunk she feels the need to insult them.
Hahaha, fantastically funny poem!
I love when you call him "little drunken gnome"- such a great line!
There were some places that I personally feel like would have helped me read it if it had a comma, like in the last line, if you put a comma in before "fleabite" so I realize that fleabite was the, uh, shall we say term of endearment rather then a continuation of the earlier part of the line.
But anyway I really, really liked this!

[Kaylor Mason]

Ha! This one is cool. I was in a car that got hit by a drunk driver, back when I was little. I was an angry little snot, and so pissed I tried to get out of the car and go over and give him a piece of my mind, but when I got to him he was already unconscious

[Baby Ricochet]

Wow. I'm glad you weren't hurt. Thanks for reading my work.

[The Refined Poet]

this was funny to me... loved the moment of truth when you stated, "No dog I don't play that way anymore, I've seen this movie a few times before" nothing but truth man!

[Baby Ricochet]

For sure. THank you for reading Designated Driver Mr poet.

[Annabelle Lee]

TRUTH cold, solid, hard truth and I couldnt have said it any better. bravo

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Thank you so much for reading

[Wakeofahero]

Lol... owned

[Baby Ricochet]

thanks for reading

[Mic]

I remember the days, and I'll bet you'll not let him forget any time soon. lol

Fun read and well done.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx for reading