Conformity

I walk around and feel nothing

But sometimes I stop

And I’m aware

For not more than a few seconds

 

I watch the silhouettes

Of the waiters, the late runners,

The conformers

How their eyes wander, how their feet hurry

How their bodies obey

 

And I look for you in each movement

On each surface

 

I try to find the trembling hand

Of an angry and insatiable soul                 

 

Then I think you are right there

Somehow

Not quite

Not really

And a woman’s voice gradually becomes clear

“You’re in the f*****g way!”

 

I start to walk again

Detached

I wait, I run, I conform

And I know that you are in nobody I see

Because no one can give me

(Some will try, but can’t give me)

What I need

A moment

A few seconds out of numbness

To be aware

To be free

Not your kind of freedom

Don’t nod your head

 

I obey

I lose my mind

I come to my senses

 

You are calm

You shouldn’t be