A Rondel

What sweet magic transports your smile
across this crowded enclosure?
No small spell impels me closer
to you, nor fear of denial.


No fairy charm, nor magic isle
did shake my sad composure.
What sweet magic transports your smile
across this crowded enclosure?


Let love express that loving smile,
gentle lips those deft composers,
compelling me ever closer
to drown into your distant guile.
What sweet magic transports your smile
across this crowded enclosure?

Author's Note

I badly need help with meter. Please help me.

Reviews

[Starsong]

Been awhile since I actually picked apart a poem to meter it, so I am not going to trust my judgement on that. But here is a link that should help you out a lot. Also I would recommend finding a poet whose work you like, then finding out what meter they normally write in. Here's the link: http://www.poetryamerica.com/ryhmeinpoetry.asp

Having said that, this is a good piece, that will be even better with a little polish.
Some observations: Stanza 1; line 3 - it is a completely different rhythm than the other three. Lengthening it will solve that.
Stanza two doesn't seem to need anything. Perfect!
Stanza 3; Lines 3 and 4 are off in rhythm as well.

One way to solve rhythm problems is rewording it with synonyms of the current words that fit the meter (rhythm) of it better. A thesaurus will be your best friend!

Let me know if you have any questions. I will dig through my dusty brain and see what I can do!

[Starsong]

Much more smooth. You have a very unique way of writing. "gentle lips those deft composers" - one of my favorite lines. Not many people think to describe a smile this way. Nicely done!