The Bar

darkened wings of sapphire breast

burn brightly against

the labored casualness

of checkered hearts

jaded by too many martinis

in bars festooned

with the crinolines

which enamor

the latest designer-

fetid souls fester

in fear of further examination

by the beauteousness

of eyes ringed in kohl

and lips reddened

by an overabundance

of passion sliding awry against teeth

redolent with precious lies

as removable as mascara

exit sign, clearly marked

ignored by all

copyright/all rights reserved

Reviews

[SkinlessFrank]

this seems like a metaphor for the everyday lies we live, let pass without comment even when we recognize them and should speak out...i like the ending

as removable as mascara

exit sign, clearly marked

ignored by all


I suppose the question is, why do we go on ignoring the exit sign? What would it take, a fire to make us run for it?

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I'm a late comer here...just enjoying reading through. Most all has been said much better than I could. I'll just say you paint a grim picture and a warning with your words.

[Judy Ponceby]

very perceptive and well written. the alliteration of the F's is perfectly done. has a great flow and the ending is all to telling of the human condition. well done, audrey

This is so well written, I only can say cheers, to it, not ironicly meant, but this is such a good eye-opener! As a dutch proverb calls: "Some have taken a too deep look in the glass" Excellent!

[Mary Fioratti]

So interesting your poem. I can "picture" a Bar, people around, masks, and in the inside so much sadness.
*Mary*

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

the crinolines which enamor........this piece took me to the site of a bar filled with people trying to make a good impression by what is on the outside......everyone should leave and knows how but no one does. Excellent!

[.]

ha..how you manage to capture such everyday visuals with an abundance of poetic flare..

[Robin]

overlaying your poetic over the memory of every bar I have played , visited , or rescued someone from ...

and thinking of the faces of bartenders and cocktail waitresses when I only orderd a coke ...

[Muse]

I agree with Chris and Emma...it wonderfully abundant with imagery.

[emmajoy]

Not sure i want to be there .. too much darkness, too much abundance.' Give me a sip where honey hangs in sunlight and breezes touch my lips'! Seems there's a battle or two here, an artifical atmosphere that's more a mess than anything relaxing or enjoyable. Powerful, dark write.