ambulance

woken at 4:32

Sirens screeching down the road

Waking me from a calm dream

My heart races almost pounding from my chest

Fearing who it may be

I listen, still and quite

My mind screaming with fear

I want to yell at the birds chirping outside

making the siren difficult to separate from it all

Difficult to tell where it is.

I catch one of the tones

My heart leaps, it didn’t get away.

All the people I think of in the area

I wouldn’t mind if most were hurt

 

I silently beg for the ambulance to stay in ear shot

It cant make it to his house

without me losing its sound.

I stare off dumbly at the dark skies of the early morning

Waiting for it to stop

It does

And then it leaves.

But I know it wasn’t him who was hurt

And so I lay back down and fall back asleep.

(is that bad of me??

I just would die if it was him,

My best friends love,

She would die without him

And I would die without her.)

Author's Note

i'm not completely satisfied with this... i will prolly rewrite it in a few days or so... but please give me some suggestions or help with it it would be greatly apreciated

Reviews

[The Mad Prophet]

It's your expression, you wrote it expressing what you felt, there isn't much that needs done with that. If you want it to flow in a more half asleep state, (As if the way you felt when you woke up), don't describe as much. Create a blur within the poem until close to the end when detials flurished because of worry.

[holly]

I like this because you seem to write it straight out of the gut. And it's not a conventional write about your love of a particular man and your fears for him. That makes the poetry stronger. The final thoughts in parantheses both grab the reader's emotion and understanding.

[Mariah]

I knew I had to read it because I wrote a poem entitled Ambulance, too.

I really like it, it goes in depth of a few fleeting moments.

[Suki]

OH I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL... ITS A VERY SCARY FEELING. LOTS OF IMAGERY. GREAT WRITE. : D

[darkgurl]

I think it's well written the way it is, I liked it especailly "just would die if it was him, My best friends love,
She would die without him, And I would die without her." These lines right here, This is very well written. Can feel the emotion behind it.