A Call Girl Tale

It's 1:30 and i finally understand
I won't be just another number on a door
I won't lie
I can't find that balance between my heart
and my mind
One knows that things will never be the same
the other aches for a world that it had
I'll pain until the pain feels like normal
what is normal anyway?
just another excuse to get through a day
i wasn't normal with you
I want everything i am forbidden
i want nothing of it to be honest
it's only a transparency to what i lack
Im not good for anyone right now
i don't even understand that
i'll push myself into others
just to feel alive
Just to know that i am "loved"
Now it's 3 and i know i could sleep
but i just don't want to
your face shadowing my eyes
the songs pounding my ears
my lips pressed again my pillow wishing it were you
My mind lulling myself away
about a touch
not a kiss i couldn't imagine
taking so personal away from all of this
take away the personal nature of my love
it's not something i want to do but
i know if i don't it will mean to much
i can't let that happen anymore
i am too good to be considered just another girl
i want to be the only one
I'm the call girl... call me i'll agree
Not this time say good bye but i was wrong

i'm just a fool to believe i meant anything more to me