Flew

She was tired,
of all the things which made her sad

depressed and lonely,
she had no one.

When she grew ,
she knew, 
she'll get out
of the stupid town she lived in.

Ah! Alas 
She flew.

Author's Note

My first poem.
Hope you like it. : )

Reviews

[Desiree]

This was awesome!!! Short but so much said with so few words! Great! Keep writing!!

[Carl Drake Barnard]

we all felt this,but once we got out we left some Grait people behind even the worst people we missed,thank you for sharing this a truly intriguing piece well done

[Jiah]

thank you so much . : )

[Ciara]

It's pretty good. I like the rhyming in the middle stanza. But I feel like you should do a little more showing instead of telling. I don't see much structure so maybe you could use that freedom to use more words to get the message across. Instead of saying she was tired, use stronger words to show how done she is and make sure the reader gets the full impact of her melancholic reality. Words are your paint and paintbrush so use them. I liked how realistic your poem was. It's something easy to relate to :)

[Jiah]

thankyou so much .
I'll take that note. : )

[Sue Hart]

It was good. It reminded me of so many who can't wait to leave their home town. I was the same way.

[Jiah]

thanks! : )

[Brittany Zedalis]

I felt like this in high school for most of the time. Thanks for posting! :)

[Jiah]

Thankyou! : )
I'm feeling the same way .

[Gabriel]

Decent! I liked the smooth and flowing rhyme in the middle stanza! Good job for your first poem!

[Jiah]

Thankyou so much. : )

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I have to ask, "when she grew" seems to imply pregnancy...Does it? Am I just reading more than was intended? Do you just mean she grew up, as normal girls do? I like this poem because it is cursory, but it is heartfelt. Keep writing!!

[Jiah]

haha no . it meant , she grew up, as normal girls do.
That's a new meaning you gave to the poem.
Thankyou! : ) : )

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

No problem! I thought it might add an additional dimension...but it was quite unintentional! HA!!

[Jiah]

ummm...! !!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I mean, I just read that and thought of it without meaning to...I don't think it is a bad addition though.

[Jiah]

yaah not at all : )