The Murderous Crows

My very first attempt at a Villanelle. I needed inspiration and just looked out the window. And this was born. (The photo is my creation)

Birds on a wire, the murderous crows
commonly known as an omen of doom
silently staring and perching in rows

What they might ponder, I cannot suppose,
their black, piercing eyes bore into my room
Birds on a wire, the murderous crows

Outside my window the flock slowly grows
unsettled, I watch them gather and loom
silently, staring and perching in rows.

The flapping of wings sings songs of sorrows
here with a message for me, I assume.
Birds on a wire, the murderous crows

My fear has ebbed of these wondrous fellows;
you see, we're not unalike I presume--
silently staring and perching in rows.

Pencil tapping, I stare out the window
perched on my chair as I sit in the gloom
Birds on a wire, the murderous crows,
silently staring and perching in rows.

Author's Note

This was challenging and quite satisfying.

Reviews

[ashley]

I really like this style and you've done a fantastic job with it. Great imagery and a haunting idea. I love this:
"My fear has ebbed of these wondrous fellows;
you see, we're not unalike I presume--"
Great job!

[The Perfectionist]

Okay, so I had to go look up what a Villanelle was. Now that I'm done doing that, I'm quite impressed with this. You've captured both the style of that and the mood you wanted simultaneously. It's not easy to find a line that repeatedly works as a refrain, but you did. Very well done, wouldn't change a thing

[OT]

bravo indeed!! a great villanelle - I am jealous of this!!! you've made it look effortless - another one on the list ;)!! powerful images - you've managed to do the villanelle but keep a strong meaning and recurring theme, something extremely difficult with this - nothing is forced, it all flows! just brilliant!!!

[E.H. Monroe]

How many layers do you actually have? You're like a f*****g onion with gloom inside.
The call backs, the feeling of dread, sheer doom, like they are gathering they f*****g know something.
Sending you a message to stay in doors, or just that the s**t is about to hit the fan really quickly. Satisfaction aint even the word. This was like a boner in sweatpants, couldnt be stopped and pretty f*****g obviously impressive.

That's right. Leave to me to make a boner in sweat pants comment. B******s

[just rose.]

Great job on the villanelle, an extremely difficult form to pull off as deftly as you do here! And very Edgar Allan Poe to boot, sinister and repetitive and full of shadows. Brilliant!

[Dupree]

It has a good form. Very creative. Oh and did I mention I LOVE IT!!!!

[Tony]

A bird on wire looking at "Birds on a wire"
"murderous crows" hmmm, I wonder what's on the narrators mind.
Kinda of a creepy write-- I like it and the form as well.

[Crowley]

Bravo....you should be satisfied. That was awesome, and the third villanelle I have seen recently and I have to say I like the format because of the way it reads. Super good Doreen...loved it.