Sapphire Sky

A Sestina

On this dark and dusky night
underneath a cobalt sky
I shiver beneath a bright full moon.
Feet press dimples in fallen snow
as I walk out in the bitter cold
following the brightest star.

Beneath this canopy of stars
I wonder at my thoughts this night
while my cheeks sting from the cold.
An expanse of indigo sky,
my footfalls echo in the snow.
I'm guided by the light of this full moon.

Have you ever seen a brighter moon?
Its brilliance sits among the stars
I think of you as I feel the snow
for I long to see you on this night.
I long to feel your embrace under this blueberry sky
in your arms I'll not feel cold.

My nose and cheeks feel frosty cold.
I recall our first embrace under this moon
which floated in a dark blue, velvet sky.
We danced among the wondrous stars.
There wasn't a more perfect night
than when we walked in the snow,

and in the lightly falling snow
we held hands.  Not feeling cold,
we stared into each others eyes that night.
Your eyes, lit up by a brilliant moon,
showed the reflections of the stars
floating in a sea of midnight sky.

Tonight I search the sapphire sky
I feel, upon my face, the snow
like tiny, icy falling stars.
They don't feel very cold
as I walk alone with death's full moon
on this, my final night.

The stars are fading from the sky.
This night I lay upon the snow
no longer do I feel cold underneath this bright, full moon.

Author's Note

Anther interesting form. An extremely challenging form. I'll post it and let it swish around in my brain a little and see what edits are needed. Suggestions are welcome. :)

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

Wow, that's a tough form to deal with. I was about to yell at you for the overuse of the word 'moon' but then I went and looked up just what a sestine was. Very tricky, but potentially very rewarding.

As for yours, I'd say you succeeded modestly. The reliance on the form is too obvious, and that's to be expected when you attempt something this difficult. You pulled it off, certainly, and it's readable, but it's missing the natural flow. Write a few more of these and soon even I won't be able to complain about it.

P.S. Don't think I didn't notice you used 'star' the first time and 'stars' all the others. Cheater XD

[OT]

o wow!!! this is truly brilliant!! one of the more difficult forms and you've made it look effortless - nothing is forced or out of place, the repetition is spot on!! a truly brilliant poem!! have no suggestions at all! wouldn't change a word!!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This is very beautiful. My only suggestion (right off hand) would be to remove the repetition of the word "canopy" in the second verse....alternatives? "vault" "expanse"
"umbrella" "ceiling" "galaxy" "heaven"...you can mix and match! lol I'll look for you in the moon! ;o)