The Human Race Can Kiss My A*s

Just something that hit me

I walked outside to get the mail,
my face was sprayed with slush -
the mailman saw the puddle,
and splashed through it with his truck.

Off to the grocery store for food
I cannot buy a lot,
I have to carry all this stuff --
that b***h just stole my cart!

My arms are full, sir hold the door
I'm picking up the pace -
Oh, nice, give me the finger as
the door slams in my face.

I drove McCarter Highway
need to get to Penn by nine
this chick slashed all my tires
because I asked her for the time.

I can't get through and beeped the horn
because my way is blocked
at me you scream obscenities
But YOU'RE blocking the box!?

I just wish I could disappear,
these people are so crass.
Each day the rudeness gets much worse
The human race can kiss my a*s!

Author's Note

It's not perfect, but it pretty much sums it up. I went to the store the other day, and by the time I got home I was ready to grab an AK47 and go ballistic on the world. Instead, this was born. I hope you enjoy.

Reviews

[Robin]

*sigh*

[The Perfectionist]

I'm in full 100% agreement with 'not your typical girl' on how to change this. I would also add that the line "but YOU'RE blocking the box" sounds wrong, but maybe it will flow better once you've changed the rest of that stanza.

Otherwise very amusing.

[MissWordSmith]

he ran through it with his truck.
too many syllables there.
'with his' seems to drag as you read it.

because I asked her for the time.
I think 'when' instead of 'because would sound better.

because my way is blocked
Again, because doesn't sound very nice.
How about,
"You see, my way is blocked"

at me you scream obscenities
the AT ME sounded way too forced.
how about,
"THEN you scream obscenities"

I just wish I could disappear,
I think,
"HOW I wish I could disappear" sounds better, more dramatic

Each day the rudeness gets much worse
"much worse" DOES NOT fit!
It just sounds very childish when you read it.

How about,
"the rudeness, it gets worse, and worse"
I'm not too happy with that suggestion either, but really, take off the 'much worse', there's something about it that degrades the level of the whole poem.

Of course, the last line is a winner :)

Thanks for your review by the way! I really appreciated it! I just HAD TO review something of yours in return :)
Feel free to send Read Requests if you ever want a Review :))

[writernubbin]

Writing is therapeutic! You know, many therapists recommend writing down what's on your mind, then wad it up and throw it in the trash!! LOL Do you feel better now?

[E.H. Monroe]

Ice Cube style.
Pretty is relative. This thing slugged it in the face. For I know the gloried of the MacCarter highway, and the feeble witted fuckwits who slam doors in your face when all you try and do is be nice to others.
Its because of this like this that I know knock over old ladies going for communion.
What can people say? The syllable count didnt line up?
well write in fury, and if you ever have then this things makes more creative rant than some trigger happy word mess over some text screen.

Nice job Doreen and good morning from the snow capitol..f**k shovels

[OT]

hahaha I laughed quite a bit at this one in particular at -

this chick slashed all my tires
because I asked her for the time.

because it was unexpected hahaha!!! and a sad but true reflection of the world we now live in!