castle

I like the way 5 year old's play house.

there are no ladders. no garages; cars

with no personalized license plates pushed along.

no churches with wailing congregations. no spoiled

oranges.

but wait

the table is always set with dainty cups

handled with two fingers. napkins are always rugs

otherwise, love and peace desired is

just the baloney moon exposed to humankind

and

the further the cat pressures the horrified

jungle of short breaths, I mean

the more innocence illicits love

by moral or ideal worth;

the more the giant mother flicks the sun off

and they take a nap.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love the concept of children playing house & where you took this. Your way of expressing satire is brilliant, fresh, unexpected & thought-provoking. You never say anything in an ordinary way, even tho this is seemingly an ordinary poem about ordinary kid's play. All in all, I get the feeling this poem is not being very complimentary about the way adults play, even tho kids play is the storyline! I love how you express yourself! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[h d e rushin]

my neighbors had a fight tonight. Someone said that there was a gun. I went to window when the sirens became louder but turned off the light. The difference between children playing and adults getting angry is how the human learns to unleash injury. The proof being, every adult doesn't get angry but every child wants to play. Thank you love...I'm telling everyone that I love that I am working on my first play. I didn't think it would be so hard but it has become the hardest thing that I have ever wanted to do. The trouble I am having is that my characters, too often, are just people standing around and i'm trying to have them communicate with each other....like August Wilson's characters always were communicating with each other.....thanks Margie for your kind remarks.. dana

[barleygirl]

This winter I wrote my first 350-pg novel & it was many times harder than I expected it to be. I spent more time editing than writing the thing! Good luck on your play! You'll kill it eventually!

[emmajoy]

What a painting you've laid in front of your reviewers.. well, me for sure. To watch children at play is like learning how to live again: the horrors adulthood bring are swept away in the often but not always correct way of being, doing. We should all remember that we're only children 'growed up' and find miracles in the sweet, small and simple, not the headliner power-base that thrives til it dives today. How I appreciate your way o thinking, and how you add it here in your corner, without drums or headlines. Thank you, dana.

[h d e rushin]

thank you my dearest emmajoy

[emmajoy]

Smiling, plus stressing how you make one think.. seems poets do that to people.. it's the way the words are whispered. Stay happy.

[Robert Trakofler]

After reading this the song castles in the sand by Jimi Hendrix starts resonating in my mind:) there are some common strings to your poem and his lyrics yours about childhood and his about relationship foundations I won’t say more in case you want to read his lyrics:) I love your voice Dana It is so beautiful unique and true

[h d e rushin]

thank you my friend for those kind remarks..I've been working on a play... I will try some of it out in the café in the coming weeks....dana

[Robert Trakofler]

awesomeness

[R.E. Ray]

We become smaller as we become adults. Our brains shrink to society's conformed standards, and we lose what might make us brilliant humans. The castle we imagine as kids becomes not a play thing in the home or at the beach, but something we must possess. So much truth in this poem, and exceptionally well crafted.

[h d e rushin]

thank you my dear friend for those kind remarks..."we become smaller as we become adults" ...and how true is that....? dana

[R.E. Ray]

You're welcome. Always a pleasure to read your work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

grown-ups complicate everything....we do get egotistical, we get greedy....
we are full of baloney...
kids play house and their pretend is simple, straightforward...
morals and ideals....money can't buy...
but the cat eats the canary....
and the world takes a nap.
sometimes your writing reminds me so much of the wickedly deep but humorous poetry of Lawrence Ferlinghetti....
my little dog ate my homework and then my big cat ate the dog.
I have nothing of worth to add to this brilliant writing.
j.

[h d e rushin]

my dear brother, everything I've learned about poetry writing, I learned from you....thank you for your kind words...dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i doubt that, dana...i have been such a fan of your voice and style from the time i joined this site.
you are unique as a poet...