Bleed from me.

in the first second and fifth sections, give yourself a good pause after the end of the first line of each stanza. It'll make all the difference in the world.

Reversed the urge, to blame.
A dawns on the edge,
and we're still awake.

Bound to the days.
We called ourselves one,
but a third,
still remains.

Bound now the same,
as the dark starts to fade.

---------------------------------------
We cheated our urge.
Turned back the clocks,
an hour assured.

Its getting warm.
Thaw myself down,
to the heart,
of our souls.

Winters ahead,
and it looks like I know.
-------------------------------------
Before the suns up,
and your skin starts to sweat
out the long drive,
exhausting your breath.

I'll stomach your stories,
the best way I can.
My teeth start to chatter,
and my hands tend to sweat.
---------------------------------------
An hour burned off,
both ends of my smile.
I'm getting old,
and live as a child.

I'll attach all my actions,
onto the leaves.
They'll die as they were,
in a pile of me.
-------------------------------------

My brain starts to break.
An hour ago,
its five years too late.

But our great escape.
Twenty years in the making,
and make no mistake.

-------------------------------------
I hope I can fake it,
until it comes true.
Willing the compass,
and crashed into you.

But there's still tomorrow,
a feather and string.
Dangled between danger,
convinced me to sing.
--------------------------------------

We urged your ghost.
The one, you hoped left,
by the time we got home.

Author's Note

this is about my past weekend to Minnesota with my fiance.
We almost split up.
Also I feel this needs to be sang into existence, and only i can do it.

Reviews

[Meghan]

This is perfectly amazing! I can definitely see it as a song. Great piece!!!

[BeatricePortinari.]

This is a great piece, but seeing as how I joined the group to offer constructive criticism... The lines "I'm getting old and live as a child" and "But our great escape, twenty years in the making and make no mistake" don't quite flow as well as the others. Maybe the first because it's a contradiction I don't quite get the symbolism of, and the second because escape, making, and mistake are all a little too similar to flow well together. But, altogether, a great write!

[Lady Of The Wolves]

This is amazing! =) I love how this is written =)

[trainwreck]

this was perfect! nothing could have expressed it better. I love this piece.

[Derek S.Keck]

Well written and reflected piece!

I'll attach all my actions,
onto the leaves.
They'll die as they were,
in a pile of me.

You have a lot of tallent, an ability above a lot of the poets i read on here.

[Seshat Nidaba]

This is highly likeable and compact. It could in all fairness, be chopped up into several good shorter pieces.

[Forgotten]

i loved it :P

[Me]

This is brilliant!

[John Stussy]

Sing this song, make it a testament of sound for the both of you. I don't want to leave too much of a review, this poem left me wordless with its emotion. Seems almost fitting to admire it in silence, the better to let your words sink in.