A Never-Ending Dance

A short, simple poem on night demons and terrors. It is what happens when the sun goes down...

A strong face for the day.

At night the mask is torn away.

Demons come and claim the soul,

dooming it to rot

in a land that God forgot.

The Devil's dance leave feet bloody and worn.

Dark angels' games leave the body torn.

The tears that fall have no reason

to stop their steady flow.

A wraith by the time the darkness decides to go,

and the sun decides to wake. 

But each night the demons come again,

terrorizing a mind that refuses to break.

Author's Note

Point out anything you see, I don't care how you say it. I can take a bad critique. My school wants to publish this in the paper, and I want it to be the best it can be...
I added punctuation and changed the words around a bit. Thanks for the help everyone! =)

Reviews

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

I think the other reviewers of guided you well.. it reminds me a lot of when I was your age ..I had these horrible night terrors I was afraid to sleep.. those went away at some point..I was published in my school
paper .

[Dusty]

Alright, thanks. I'll keep that in mind. =)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Other then needing a little punctuation I think this is really fabulous... we all have a little darkness within we must face at some point and this certainly express that very well.

[Surrealstorm]

I think it is a very good and creative poem. The rhyme scheme is consistent and unique. The only thing I see is that perhaps in line 10 use "wake" instead of "Awake" for flow reasons. Despite that I think that this would look very good published in your school paper. Great write!

[Deleted]

I thought it was uniquely and well written, the rhyming and rhythm changing throughout the lines.
Good job!