Empty

I can say at this moment I feel empty...

I tried to see inside of her,
But there was nothing there,
She was empty.

I saw the girl,
With the empty look,
In her gray,
Lonely searching eyes.

I saw the girl,
With her empty heart,
Her heart was beating,
But not fast enough.

I tried to see inside of her,
But there was nothing there,
She was empty.

I saw the girl,
With the smile,
That was not even there,
It was drained until it was empty.

Though I know I couldn't help her,
I knew she could be brought back to life,
With the kiss from the love of her life.
Maybe then she wouldn't look so empty.
She wouldn't be so lonely.
She wouldn't be deprived,
From her smile,
Her feelings,
And everything else,
That is needed,
To not make her so hollow,
So empty.

Reviews

[H-Jonesy]

The feeling of being empty, deprived of ones emotions, can be frustraiting and depressing. You portray this very well here.
How ever, there are some spots where you could have rearanged your wording to make it flow a tad better, and there are some spots where it feels you just put too much.

"I tried to see inside of her,
But there was nothing there,
She was empty."

You could have taken off "She was empty". Your already implying that shes empty, or hallow, but thats just my opinion.

all in all, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing, and keep it up! C:-
Harmony.

[Luna Northstar]

Awww, this poem was really sad. Emotional piece, nicely done.