MNL-Chapter 9

This chapter is really sad. D:

Chapter 9

            A week has passed since Alex went to the mall with me and my friends. Today was a terrible day for my family. It has been exactly three months since my brother, Carson, passed away. We were all still in shock since my brother seemed so happy. We didn’t know that he as suffering in silence.

            Carson never expressed his feelings all that often. No one could ever tell what he was thinking. Carson had a really great poker face. I remember the day that we found him. It was a truly graphic scene. I was the one who found him. As soon as I saw my brother dead I ran away screaming my head off. I was crying really hard and I couldn’t calm myself down. I called my parents as soon as I found him.

~

            “Hey Carson, I have to go to Nikki’s house for a project we are working on together. I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” I told him.

            “Okay, sis, I’ll see you later,” he responded giving me a hug and really big kiss on the cheek. He hadn’t done that in a long time. I was a little bit worried about him. (I should have known something bad was going to happen that day. I could tell there was something off.)

            “Bye, big brother,” I responded. After that I took off and went to Nicole’s house. The whole time I was there my thoughts were on my older brother. The project was not important to me at the time.

            “Aubrey, are you alright? You have been pretty distracted all day.”

            “I’m worried about Carson. He has been acting strange for the last couple of weeks,” I responded in a really worried tone. I did have a right to be worried. He is my older brother after all. (I really should have seen the warning signs back then.)

            “I understand that. I would be worried too if my brother was acting strange. We are almost done with the project. You should get home. We can finish the project tomorrow. I won’t stop you from leaving,” Nicole responded.

            “It’s alright; I can go home a little later. I would love to get this project over with,” I responded.

            Of course all of us had plans that day. My parents were grocery shopping and taking Mason clothes shopping. While we were doing our own thing my brother was writing out his suicide note.

            Around four o’clock in the afternoon is when I got home from Nikki’s. I was happy to see that Carson was still home. His car was in the driveway. “Carson, I’m home”

            I didn’t get a response from him. I was even more worried than I was before. I ran to his room to knock on the door. “Carson, are you in there?”

            After he didn’t answer for another five minutes I opened the door. There he was lying there with bullet wounds. A gun was lying right next to him. I picked up an envelope that was next to him. I ran out of the room screaming for help. No one was home still. I ran to the phone and dialed my parent’s phone number.

            “Answer, please answer! Answer, please,” I shouted into the phone. My parents’ didn’t answer the first time I called. I called them again thinking the same thing over and over in my mind. After they didn’t answer a second time I decided to call Mason. He always answered the phone.

            “Hello,” I shouted. I was screaming my lungs off.

            “Bre, please stop screaming you’re hurting my ears. What’s wrong? Please tell me that everything is alright?”

            “No, nothing is alright. Please put mom or dad on the phone.”

            “What’s wrong, honey, you sound really upset,” my mother asked me when she got on the phone with me. I was shaking, my shoulders were heaving, and tears were streaming down my face. I really didn’t know how to respond to her. How could I tell my mother that my older brother was dead over the phone? I just wanted them to come home.

            “M-Mom…you, dad, and Mason need to come home right now. It’s really terrible news. Please come home,” I responded. I was crying harder than I had in a very long time.

            “We are on our way, sweetie,” my mother said and hung up. About ten minutes later my family came home. I ran into my dad’s arms as soon as he opened the door. I was still shaking and crying pretty hard. He was trying to get me to calm down, but I hadn’t told them what happened yet.

            “What was so important that we needed to come home so suddenly, sweetheart,” my father asked in a gentle tone.

            “C-Carson is d-dead,” I responded so softly that none of them could hear me.

            “What did you say?”

            “CARSON’S DEAD,” I exploded. I ran out of the house. I really couldn’t stick around to see my family’s reaction. They probably felt the same way that I did. I called Jonathan to come pick me up. I needed to try to calm down. He was the only person at the time that could calm me down. When I got into the car he could tell how upset he was. He pulled me into his arms. He rubbed my back to try to calm me down. It didn’t really work because it just reminded me too much of Carson. Jonathan didn’t understand the situation. I was still crying way too hard to speak.

            “What’s wrong, babe? Are you going to be okay?”

            “No, I don’t think I’ll be okay for a while.”

            “What happened?”

            “Carson is dead. He shot himself.”

            “What,” Jonathan exclaimed.

            I started to cry way more. Jonathan didn’t know what to say anymore. I don’t believe he thought it was going to be something this serious.

            “I think I’m ready to go in now. I’ll just see you later,” I told Jonathan. After that I left his arms and went into the house. When I went back inside of the house was reading a sheet of paper. My mother was crying extremely hard. Mason was silent. He had a shocked look written on his face. As soon as he saw me he ran into my arms. Mason had always come to me when he was upset. I held onto him as tightly as I could.

            My brother stayed quiet the whole time he was in my arms. After a few minutes I was wondering what my father was reading. “Daddy, what are you reading?”

            “Your brother’s suicide note…” he responded while starting to break down. She read it and started to cry even harder than before. She handed the note towards me and wondered why.

            “Why do you want me to read it?”

            “He wants all of us to read it,” my mother said quietly.

            The note read:

Dear family,

            I love you all with my heart and soul, but I don’t think living is the best thing for me. Lately I have been in a whole bunch of pain. It was just festering into more pain. The girl of my dreams was killed. Her father went crazy and stabbed her to death a couple of days ago. I went to go see her, but her mother told me…that she was gone. I apologize that I have taken my own life, but I honestly couldn’t stand living without her. The pain was just too unbearable. I do have one last request. I would like all of you to read this letter.

            I want you all to know that I don’t think I could live without Olivia. She was the only girl that I had ever loved besides for you and Bre. You two are important to me as well as she was. I never knew how to really express myself. Writing didn’t help…pain didn’t help…nothing at all helped me cope.

            Dad, I want you to know that I love you. I know that all of your goals will be accomplished. You are raising a great family. You have provided us with the best you could. You always made sure that we had food on the table. You work so hard for us all and you gave up your dreams to raise us. I know that deep down you are suffering, but I don’t feel that you are suffering as much as I have been. You still have the women of your dreams and Mom loves you with all her heart. Mom will always be your best friend, Dad. Mom will always be there for you in your time of need. I hope you never let that go. I hope that you never let that fire and passion ever leave your soul. We all know that you have a fighting spirit. I love you so much and thank you for raising me for the last nineteen years.

            Mom, I love you so much. I know that you are going to have a great long life with Dad by your side. You were always there for me when I needed you to be. I could tell you anything I wanted too and you would listen to everything I had to say. You wouldn’t judge me. You provided for me just as much as Dad has. You brought me into this world. I was safe with you. Also Dad loves you with all his heart. Just like I told Dad don’t ever let that passion that you have for him burn away. You two deserve each other until the very end. You will both live very successful lives. I was glad to have a parent like you.

            Aubrey, I have a lot to say to you because you were one of the best friends a brother could ask for. I hope that everything works out for you. Please never let your dreams and goals die because I am gone. I know that you want to become a singer. Don’t give up on that because I know you will make it, little sis. You will become something. You will amount to anything you set your mind too. Sis, I know how painful this is for you. Losing me will probably be one of the hardest things you will have to experience. This had nothing to do with you or the family. I loved all of you so much. I know you hate me for leaving you, but just know I will always love you. I will always be in your heart. I know that I haven’t really talked to you much about anything, but please don’t feel bad. None of this was your fault and it was my decision.

            Mason, you were one of my best friends as well. I know you are going to have the most trouble with accepting this. Ever since you were younger you always wanted me or Bre. I know that I told you that I would be there for you forever…but I’m sorry I couldn’t. I really couldn’t handle the pain that I was going through anymore. Mason, please promise me that you will never do something as stupid this. You are a smart little kid. You have a lot of life that you need to experience. I know that I am hurting you by leaving. Just be brave because you are one of the strongest people I know, little bro. Like I told Aubrey, accomplish all the goals that you have set out. I love you little brother. I will be in your heart just like I will be in everyone else’s.

            This is goodbye, but in the future there will always be a hello.

With Love,

Carson

            Reading the note just made me break down even further then I expected to. Mason was reading it in my arms. He finally had started to cry. I knew that he was going to have the most trouble accepting Carson’s death too. They were best friends.

            “This is goodbye, but in the future there will always be a hello,” I stated quoting my brother’s last statement. My family looked up at me and nodded in agreement.

~

            I really wanted to be strong for Mason today. He was lying in my arms right now. I could tell that he was trying really hard not to cry. He was actually trying very hard to get me to smile. Last month he stayed silent while lying in my arms.

            “You know what I think, sis?”

            “What do you think?”

            “I think deep down in his heart that Carson knew he was going to die that day. We should have all seen the warning signs, but we weren’t paying close enough attention. I really hope that you are not blaming yourself for what happened that day. I don’t feel that any of us should. He was suffering in silence so he took his own life. I could tell he was different up until that day, but I could never put my finger on it. We just have to remember that he loved us all.”

            “You know, Mason, you’re right. You are pretty smart kid,” I said while ruffling his hair. We just stayed like that for the rest of the day. I knew in my heart that Mason was right. My brother, Carson, loved us all dearly. We just all had to remember that like Mason said.

Reviews

[Emunah June.]

GAWD.
MY EYES ARE SWEATING.

I didnt know Aubrey saw that...thats just awful. But I bet Carson is watching her from heaven now. Guiding her to true love!!

[No name]

this was a wonderful chapter but very sad ... the letter made my eyes water.

[Missy Moooooo]

Oh my, well that note letter thing made me cry, wow, this chapter was good.