Sasori's Baby- Chapter 1

Chapter 1

                I was walking around town. I was bored and I was so glad that I didn’t have to deal with Deidara today. I was doing myself a favor by not hanging out with him. He was getting on my nerves with his clay and art talks. We argued all the time and it was because of art! I love art, but he doesn’t understand the concept.

                I heard crying while I was walking around town. In a small blanket their lay a baby. She was just laying there. There was a note next to the basket she was placed in. It said my name in neat bubbly hand writing. “Sasori, she’s your problem now. I never named her so you may as well do it yourself. You’re a jerk. From your ex Tiara.”

                I looked at her. She was sucking on her hand and she looked up at me. She started to cry again. I picked her up and she somewhat calmed down. I smiled when she did. I guess she just wanted to be held. I was going to start to wonder what the group is going to think. I decided to hide her in my robe. She might have fallen asleep. I wasn’t sure. I was just glad that she wasn’t crying when I entered the base.

                The other members were out on missions. Deidara and I were off for once. I don’t know where Deidara went, but I wasn’t expecting to find my own child abandoned. Why was she laying in the middle of nowhere anyway? Why didn’t anyone pick her up? I started to hear her cry. I smelled her diaper and she needed a change. I didn’t know what to do. I never learned how to change a baby’s diaper. I was guessing I was going to have to find out now.

                “It’s okay, honey. What should I name you?” I didn’t figure that out yet. I was trying to figure out names.

                “How about Ai?” She started to cry so I figured that was a no.

                “How about Aimi?” She tried to smile at me so I was guessing she liked that name. I needed to go out baby shopping now. I was going to need help. She was starting to fall asleep, but I didn’t know if that was a good idea. She was crying, but I didn’t want to hear her. I found some things in her basket. I gave her a teddy bear. She tried to smile and she was playing with it. She punched the bear and I just gave her a look. She tried to smile at me again. I was beginning to think she was really adorable. She was looking at me. Aimi just tried to smile.

                She was really adorable and she was starting to tear up, but I didn’t know what she wanted. She just was crying again. I started to feel bad because I didn’t know what she wanted.

Reviews

[Zak]

This is neat. But could you slow it down a bit? I think that the main character and this Aimi could really have a bond. But you gotta get more adjectives and descriptive things in here to make it really powerful.
Also, Get the main character's thoughts when she first sees the child on the street. "Oh my God is that a...baby laying by itself on the street?" That sort of thing.
Think about what your character would say, I guess.

[Keevan]

D'aaaaaaww, he's less creepy with a babeh in his arms. xD

[Charile]

Like this. Can't wait for more

[No name]

This is a good start. Seems interesting and it should be fun to read. Teehee can't change a diaper.