Retarded

“That test was retarded.” Pardon me? I don’t agree, that test doesn’t think, and neither do you apparently, of the seven of us, I’m the only disabled person, just a venomous label that only worsens the more I hear it, cruel and sick, stick a spear through it like Moby Dick, holy s**t, they said it again, should I stick with them? Are these my friends? There’s no end, each day I witness it, I’m sick of it, I say this s**t is inexcusable, as usual I say nothing to save face, not brave enough in a public place, in this case it’s too much, they touched a nerve, I’m too reserved, so I just observe, for goodwill, but still, it’s unnerving to hear, it should’ve disappeared but it appears that even after all these years, we’re not clear on the concept of politically correct, our conscience we neglect, the mouth and the brain disconnect, and out comes the same old disrespect, like a domino effect, like a knife it cuts, you don’t wanna know how it affects us, one guy think it’s okay, and his friends say it too, monkey see, monkey do, like a zoo, a freak show like step right up, see the retards, you think that’s all we are, yes sir, people are pressured, I need a refresher, who are you and why is it cool for you, to use a word that makes us all look foolish, I do wish you would delete that word like backspace, face facts, it’s a disgrace to the human race, so just erase and replace your vocabulary, put that word in the cemetery, in the tomb, we’re better off without it being used, you better stop, because it brings you down too along with him, no one wins, we all lose, we’re all bruised, we’re all scarred, when you use and abuse a word like retard, it’s misconstrued, they think it means stupid, but all you did was put down another human, I’m assuming you didn’t mean to, just understand my point of view, before you let a word like that come through, what has the world come to?

I feel such frustration, their generalization, their stereotype, they think we’re all alike, like there’s one kind of disability, like it needs visibility, being non-verbal I may speak quote unquote normal to you, I may not need accessibility, but I know about acceptability, and respectability, the insensitivity is killing me, this delusion, this closed minded conclusion, that we’re just slow-minded and stupid, confusion over how we talk, how we walk, how we look, thinking it’s by the book, one speech, one body, one face, but it can be anybody in any place, even if he stands a foot away, they think they don’t have to watch what they say, how they’re sounding, their surroundings are disregarded, “This is retarded,” the coast is clear, no one hears it, but the jeer hits me in the heart, retard, what a damn shame, to them, my face looks the same, my speech sounds the same, but I feel the same way, I live the same way, I am the same way as any disabled person they curse at, if we were able to switch brains like vice versa, you’d reverse your opinion, walk in my flesh, sit down with a test and know my stress, when the professor’s address doesn’t process, reassess your point of view, when you see what I went through, the hardest thing I ever did, I ever will do, it truly hurts when you use that word, each time it stings, when they look at their “stereotype” and they think, “That’s how a disabled person is supposed to be,” juxtaposed with me, like two toys on a shelf, in your eyes the first one works fine, but just because the other has a different design you say it’s busted? I’m disgusted, adjust your eyes, it’s like I’m in a disguise, I despise what you surmise, surprise! We’re the same two guys, and besides, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not about how we think, it’s about our character, it’s not fair to hurt us and point out our flaws, this is the last straw, just because I don’t “look it,” doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, if only they knew what it put me through, how it changed me, how I feel about it, how I live with it, what it’s like to be this way, I’m not “retarded,” nothing is “retarded,” except for that test apparently, they look around, the coast is clear, it’s okay to say it if no one hears, but I do, and I walk away, public or private, disabled or not, it’s not okay, it’s never okay. Retarded

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