Michigan October

The sun has left my skin,
soaked into oak leaves
and now I'm a soft sigh
of chai steam, dressed
in a pencil skirt and blouse,
walking to work.

My black ballet flats
flit through gatherings of red
leaves like flakes of dried ink
leftover from a love poem.

The sun wrings out
what light it can spare,
gently like my lips murmuring
lyrics I only half know.

Squirrels tight-rope walk
electric lines, trees scatter
the wind and I forget
I'm attached to my name.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I am in love with the assonance and the alliteration in the first stanza. You have the liquid sounds of all the s and l words. Then there is the assonance in soaked, oak, soft. I Imagine reading those lines as exhaling a bit of that chai steam.

Again with stanza two, you have that great first line with alliteration and assonance: "My black ballet flats." The simile in that stanza is wonderful, and you even manage to keep the sonic depth you have built in the rest of the piece as you lay down that wonderful comparison.

Those elements flow nicely into the image of the sun in stanza three. I like the idea of the simile in that stanza, but not as much as the one from stanza two.

One of the best closing lines I think I have read here this year: "I forget
I'm attached to my name."

That lines brings together all of the images and the sounds from the other stanzas. I feel as all of those aspects of this piece give the reader a sense of fading. The chai steam, the sun, and the half remembered lyrics are all in various stages of fading.

I feel as though this piece flows the best out of all of the ones I have read by you thus far. In truth, it sings.

[eglantine]

thanks so much! :D

[Clockwork]

Welcome :-)

[James William Dyer]

This was great, especially the ending

[eglantine]

thanks!

[G!o]

Beautifully expressed thoughts. Pure, innocent and lovely wordings...amazing writing as always Eglantine

[eglantine]

thank you!

[Leslie Philibert]

and my congratulations too for this fine poem, this all fits, the imagery, the mood, the form and above all the excellent observations that reflect the position of the writer - great work.

[eglantine]

thank you very much

[quinfinn]

"and i forget i'm attached to my name"... such abandon and freedom there is in this. i can honestly say that this poem not only addresses in true free form and imagination, it has a life of its own. this is superbly creative and wonderfully expressive. i kick myself for not visiting your pages earlier, knowing all the time that your writing was there. beautiful.....

[eglantine]

thanks! :)

[bob, small b. aka invs]

yes. that's october all right. wisconsin's are exactly like michigans, only we look at lake michigan from the other side. your images are as amazing as ever. leaves like flakes of dried ink from leftover love poems? where do you come up with things like that? i also loved the ending. that transcendent feeling of detachment wonderfully described in very few words. chai steam in a pencil skirt.... love that image too. i'm a real fan of your work.

[eglantine]

thank you very much for reading and reviewing :)