And the cow swam under the moon

My sanity tastes like ocean-
tangled yarn.  It hangs from
my cranium, dripping, while I
dream of sea-dragons
arguing the mossy
concept of reality.

I toss and fall
into some dank
corner of my heart--
    when I wake, the air
    tastes like speckled
    rain sharpened with salt.

I glance at my fat goldfish
who swims the same
circles every day
and suddenly

I'm going not where I'm supposed to,
but where I shouldn't.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I think you have a talent for wordplay.

I really enjoy the beginning. Especially tangled yarn. Like the relation of tangledyarn into hangcranium. Like arguing sea dragons, mossy ones.

I would say the second stanza and the third... and the end... are less potent. I like short poems often because you can just stop when you are done. Everything to do with coherence or sense... doesn't matter. Everything you needed to say, in my opinion, was said in the first stanza. The rest was a rehash with some decent images.

Maybe could be taken in a new direction. I think that 3rd and 4th are salvage-able, but I feel like the revisit of the salty tastes is kind of a disappointment.

You are a good writer. I may read more.

[eglantine]

Thank you for the suggestions! I appreciate it

[beautiful dreamer]

nicely done!

[G!o]

First, can goldfish be fat? I had to laugh at this line, this is superb imagery and i have to say you have mastered the art of imagery well. Has a sense of comic and a brief insanity enriched with meticulous thoughts...this is adorable and fun to read.

[eglantine]

Yes, they can be--I once had quite the chubster of a goldfish lol Thanks for reading :)

[beautiful dreamer]

my friends looks like it swallowed a golfball

[The Nude Writer]

Wow. you are on a wild little trip here :)
I love this!

[eglantine]

haha, yeeeea