Half-life

Our atoms explode
into morning stars as cherry
trees whisper red
in early morning half-light.

Your eyes navigate my swollen
heart; a hummingbird points north
and we cry.  Purple dawn
clings to our skin like rain,

smoke rises from our breath.

Reviews

[Jack...]

As the morning sun breaks the horizon I see you were watching me as I slept and I smile, warm within your arms and safe beyond the storms of the past. Eglantine, this is beautiful and touching. It found my eyes this morning and opened them to beauty.

[eglantine]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, as always, Jack

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

[bob, small b. aka invs]

your writing is always a challenge. the images just elude my grasp, but the feelings grab me every time. beautiful work.

[eglantine]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you !

[beautiful dreamer]

Nicely done. Your imagery is always amazing

[Clockwork]

Now this breaths ecstasy and light. The morning and the night converged here it would seem after long days apart. I like the bit of personification about the red cherry trees whispering in the half light. There is also something I find particularly poignant about the humming bird image.

Oh, and the last line is magically sensual. Nice one Eg.

[eglantine]

Thank ya very much!

[Clockwork]

You're welcome :-)

[Simon Welsh]

Very Plath-esque. Nice. I like.

[eglantine]

She is my biggest influence

[Simon Welsh]

I could tell. I remember her influence years ago. I should post my years-old Richey Edwards-poetry aha.

[eglantine]

yepyepyep!

[Simon Welsh]

Yeah.. (filler).

[Richard]

I like that you often have inanimate objects and nature whispering you like your poems to whisper and they're always just the right length .. you are a talent to be RECKONED with!!
You really know how to bring the world to life really .. I love it.

[eglantine]

Thank you Richard

[LJW]

I adore writers who can pull off a short, concise, unique piece of work. You have accomplished that here.

"as cherry trees whisper red" is my favorite line. Brilliant.

"a hummingbird points north and we cry"

"purple dawn clings to our skin"

"our atoms explode"

Just filled with beauty and simplicity. Each word well-picked and well-placed.

100/100

[eglantine]

Thank you very much

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Half-life and half-light...I like the play on positions and emotions presented by these two concepts. You are a very good craftswoman when it comes to thoughtfully choosing your words. The way that you show us beauty in the cherry tree, and then follow it up with the idea of two lovers clinging to one another for dear life--perhaps in order not to lose the moment or not to lose the person.

I think the last line speaks the best in terms of metaphorical significance. You chose "smoke" rises from our breath, instead of another image to distinguish the fog that rises from breath in early morning hours; smoke is a representation of something having been burned.

Lots to think about in this little piece. Well done.

[eglantine]

Yes, I am very glad you picked up on that. :)