Daylight insomnia

There's gypsy soul in my blood,
         wildflower-scented
         and airy with wonder.

I breathe best in water;
         I trip too much
         on land.

My hands are cold and dry;
         I soak them in
         sunflower baths.

I can't tell if the tide is coming in or

        slipping away.

Author's Note

Not happy with the ending, suggestions for a smoother release?

Reviews

[Blue]

I think the ending lines are perfect. They invited me to read the poem again. Also the choice of words is fantastic. You're definitely something. :)

[terry smith]

...how about going down the drain...:) Nice poem :)

[eglantine]

oooo--I like that! Thanks for the suggestion!

[terry smith]

anytime:)..

[G!o]

I would have loved to make a suggestion on how to change the last couple of lines (i don't know if you've already done that) but to me i find it perfect. Reading this, reminded me of those lazy evening talks with a close pal when you're trapped in twilight. You style of writing is simple, metaphoric and full of urge. This is a lovely poem once again Eglantine

[eglantine]

Thank you very much, as always :)

[Celestial Witch Child]

I'm in such love with this poem! Your work is wonderful, and you make that abundantly clear in this piece. As for the last line, I think adding a bit of detail such as "slipping away with the steady beat of the drum" or something along those lines.

[eglantine]

Thank you :) I appreciate the feedback.

[Leslie Philibert]

Another fine poem from a very talented poet. The last line ? Perhaps simply edit out the last two words and leave the line unfinished. A crazy idea maybe. Love the poem.

[eglantine]

Hmm, interesting suggestion--I'll definitely consider it! I've ended a poem mid-sentence like that before and loved the effect it had.

[...]

"I breathe best in water: I trip to much on land" Love that! I can relate to the whole poem. Beautiful :)

[Emily B]

perfectly airy and brilliant, I was floating