Twinkle little star

There are pressed violets within

the cracked surface of this

street and early moonlight

rolls along the smoking

buildings.

 

Birds convulse like broken hearts on the sidewalk

before they are trampled and loose

papers replace them--written

wings flutter and the sun

rises from people's throats.

 

All of them run away

from the hiccuping rip that tore

the sky from our grasp, but I

walk towards it.

 

Stars fall, shatter buildings and themselves

like fireworks--light and bright.  Cosmic

shrapnel stabs this violet

street.

          first star I see tonight

They run from

         I wish I may

and I walk to.

        I wish I might

Night splinters--

        have this wish

look up.

       I wish tonight.

Author's Note

This is a little bit different than how I usually write...

Reviews

[LoneStranger]

I really enjoyed the way you interspersed The "first star I see tonight" saying within the last stanza of the poem. I also loved your phrase "night splinters" - very original.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Wow, that's the first time i've seen so many enjambements all together in a single poem ! The first stanza has an enjambement in every verse, the 2nd stanza too except for the break from verse 1 to 2 and 4 to 5. Also i've noticed a strong aliteration of "phonetically strong" letters, there are a lot of Ts, Rs, Ss and /k/, if you were looking for a trobar clu kind of poem, you came really close (just had to go for a more elevate lexic to make it fit perfectly with the genre)
Great job, definitely original !

[Wild Willow Blue]

I really love this. I can feel and see the beauty and pain here. Nicely written.

[Whiskurz]

I thought this was really well written.....Good write my friend.....Whisk

[AutumnBelle]

this is awesome! great write :)

[itai]

Birds convulse like broken hearts on the sidewalk
"before they are trampled and loose
papers replace them--written
wings flutter and the sun
rises from people's throats." I love this verse.I do get a sense that it's quite a personal piece, I may be wrong but that is the sense I get.I Like it

[timmmmmmsardga]

I must admit - I saw the title and my immediate and instinct thought was "Nursery rhyme!" and then it talks about
"Stars fall, shatter buildings and themselves
like fireworks--light and bright. Cosmic
shrapnal (you misspelt shrapnel) stabs this violet
street."
I really enjoyed it. Such vivid and creative imagery!

[Patrick]

and yet it is equally as stimulating, some of the images that your provide and vivid. The sun rising from people's throats is my favourite.

[Rusty]

And amazing