Arabesque

Brother, once 

bent to the knife, so 

many years later, 

tells me how he stood up, 

when the sky was gathering 

over us. How he heard 

(on the phone) the purple rasp 

in that other voice (that other voice) 

that wanted me /all for its own. 

And even now, in a safer way 

from those young streets, 

the fire promise reseeds itself 

between cracking asphalt, and 

I walk the dull edge of every 

knife-long night, calling out from then.

Author's Note

2013

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Since I'm 63, I rarely think about my childhood abuse anymore & when I read stuff, it's not part of how I interpret writing. That's why I find it surprising that I was thinking of my childhood abuse when I read this poem. Since I was "the baby" of 9 kids, I had this wish that one of my older siblings would've cared about leaving me in that abusive mess, but they were too eager to get away from it, themselves. This poem feels as if it's written by one of my older siblings who was too buried by the abuse himself to reach out & comfort anyone else in the family. Even all these years later, he is unable to really pour out his heart to me, but instead just giving a glimpse that he's aware he wasn't there for me & trying to say he couldn't be there for me. It feels like your poem is written in shorthand to symbolize a lifetime of hurt & mistrust & estrangement (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Eilis]

Thank you, Margie. I’ve found one of the most difficult things has been coming to terms with the actions of others (and myself) in past situations. As the now self I understand what is right or just or good, but when being under pressure or taught the opposite of those things things happen that are later regretted. But, even then, it’s not easy to make amends or come to terms with things. Sometimes the enlightenment never seems to arrive.

Thank you for sharing your experience. One of the best things about poetry (for me) has been discovering I’m not alone in experience, and also that I have a right to feel hurt or upset about the past, and work to move past it. Abusers can be very good at making you feel abuse is your fault.

Thanks for your honest response to this poem.

[barleygirl]

Beautiful share from you, too! *smile*

[SkinlessFrank]

This feels like fear, the slow-motion type that sticks with you forever. For me, the title magnifies the feeling as it reminds me that how even when listening to flowing piano notes or imagining the dance, I can still feel the hurt of past transgressions creeping in. You remind me that it is good and proper to acknowledge the fear at these moments. Doing so forces us to recognize and disarm some of displaced feelings and tendencies.

[Eilis]

I wrote this before I was diagnosed with PTSD but reading it today I see myself (here) writing about the things I would later learn about myself. The suspension in the moment in particular and how the present and future are caught in the web of the past. The things I’ve experienced have become part of the collection of characters I carry with me at all times. They are as much a part of me as my organs. Strange to say, but maybe that’s the most precise way I can think of the fear. Sometimes I think acknowledgment is the only power there is there. I like your analogy to the music, that works really well. Thanks as always for reading and sharing your thoughts.

[olla]

there are some things so stunning that one hesitates to tarnish it's edge with comments..

[Eilis]

What a lovely thing to say, olla. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your impression.

[gram linski]

just read this again and still love it, I didn't even get the title right, lol, I wrote the dull edge of the knife like night, so if I changed a word does that make it mine, :)))

[Eilis]

I think, yes, it makes it yours. And yours is yours anyway. I couldn’t have written your poem. I just gave you a prompt. Borrow my lines anytime. I like to see where that leads.

Thanks, Gram. For the return visit.

[gram linski]

I couldn't have written any of your finely crafted poems, Eilis, you inspire me and I just read a couple of your fine poems that have left the residue of poetry bouncing round my brain, might not post them but will definitely let you know,

[Eilis]

Thanks for this kind comment, Gram. And, please do. I’d love to read anything inspired

[Einstein Noodle]

your title snagged me .. really like your style .. kind of tempered street ;) story line so easy to follow as you laid it out .. i took "brother" to actually be your protagonist's brother and someone who protects .. the "purple rasp" grabs me .. like death rattles .. so many things each verse inspires in me ..lots of room for interpretations .. closing kind of boils down to lost love and very distant pain in the memory of it ... but again .. could be about many things .. smooth flow .. love the enjambment and free form .. imagery sharp and crisp ... relatable for many of your readers' stories ;) well done says i .. nice to meet you
E.

[Eilis]

Hello again, E. I like what you’re seeing there. I especially appreciate your technical comments because those are things I think about when writing.

Always glad if something can be open enough for others to see themselves in it. Thanks so much for visiting.

[Robert Trakofler]

I am filled with a sense of dread in reading these lines. not like a terror but a loud book drop sharp shock shutter. a trigger response but at the same time a reluctant acceptance a tightrope walk upon the blades edge irresolute. this was one i had to come back to for fear of projection of my feelings and not getting the pulse of the poem but i keep coming back to this feeling.

[Eilis]

The sense of things was the main thing I was trying to convey. Some experiences can’t be understood, I don’t think, so I try always to evoke the feeling of being in it.

It’s a poem about violence and abuse, and so I tried to offer up what it felt like to be that girl. These things never involve only one person either, do they. But it’s not always easy to speak for others.

Your response is excellent. Thanks very much, Robert.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think of the street violence....the drive by shootings, the stabbings...the brother looking out for the sibling....and even years later when it seems safer...
she starts to wonder and fear again...but he will always be there for her...it never feels totally safe.
Once something happens to unnerve us...i don't think we are ever the same again.
potent write, Eilis.
j.

[Eilis]

You are right, Jacob. Those experiences change us forever. Thank you for your insights and kind words. All the best.

[Chris Shaw]

There is a darkness here, something lurking which was noticed but not openly discussed. I sense danger and your brother knew it and has warned you of it. He knew it back then and it is still a threat. Maybe way off the mark Eilis, but that is how I read and felt your words. Expertly penned for atmosphere.

Chris

[Eilis]

Hi, Chris. You’ve offered a quite accurate assessment of the story. I suppose the lingering threat is more of a mental/emotional state, but yes, that was what I was reaching for at the end.

Thanks for your perceptive review. I really appreciate your reading. I’m looking forward to spending some time on your page real soon. My weekends are always very busy, so might not make it til Monday.

Have a great weekend!

[Neville]

I am reminded of a place I once visited & rested in, it was very hot... and a subsequent dream, or rather a recurring dream & a poem I once penned about the whole series of events...

Despite the heat, dust and light.. there is a darkness here and lots of adrenaline flowing... it does not feel entirely safe and I want to find a corner to hide away in....

In spite of all that... and the fact I Might be a million miles off target... This is one hell of an enjoyable and well constructed bit o real poetry..... Neville

[Eilis]

Do you have that poem posted here, Neville? Sounds interesting. Makes me think of a Camus novel. read moreDo you have that poem posted here, Neville? Sounds interesting. Makes me think of a Camus novel.

I will offer a spoiler and say this poem is about abuse and controlling, so, yes ...the darkness and adrenaline. It’s an experience (or series of experiences) from my younger years. Just trying to frame it all in my mind and articulate how things continue with us. But, I’m looking for a sense of things rather than a story, so your comment makes me feel like I’ve achieved that.

Thanks for your insightful review. Always appreciated. A bit o poetry in the morning for me.

[Neville]

page 76 of my posted poems 'This Particular Journey' sorry I am unable to provide a direct link... being a Luddite doesn't help matters.. N:)

[Eilis]

You really have (more than) 76 pages of poems! I found it, haha...wasn’t too hard. You gave good directions like we used to do in the old days before handheld computers.

I also spied your Herb Song poem. Lovely bit of work there. I’m looking forward to leaving a few words on it as soon as I am able.

ATB, Neville

[Neville]

Despite the half decent directions
I still lose myself from time to time .. but kinda like it.............. :)

[Eilis]

Indeed, getting lost can be an adventure in itself

[Neville]

too write... now where woz I...

[Eilis]

haha...um, I don't know. somewhere between lost and found, I think

[Neville]

.................. N is :)ing

[Eilis]

:) ing back

[Neville]

another win win then ... :)

[gram linski]

love the language the last two stanzas stand out, calling out from the past, a warning, a yearning, stuck in a certain memory in time, I would love to have written the dull edge of every knife-long night, might use it for a title, lol

[Eilis]

Yo, take it...I want to see that poem. That is a line that I am proud of...I must have been in the zone when I wrote it.

It is definitely being stuck in a memory. I'm glad you sensed that, because I often think my poems are too obscure.

Thanks for your appreciation and for reading my poems.

[gram linski]

any time, obscurity means hidden depths, that's what I tell the disbelievers, lol,

[Eilis]

Haha, don't let Nietzsche hear you say that. Not that he can hear you now...oop. He has a lecture for that.

[gram linski]

Haha, busted,