Of course I heard

for David

Of course I've heard,
it is hardly surprising. But since
you never belonged to me,
there is nothing for me to do.

As a vacuum, I find myself
washing dishes and quartering
carrots, wondering

how your mother must feel
when she hears some news
of where she cannot reach

to lay her hands, on you,
to be certain you are whole
and well. Well,
as she must still remember you--

an infant emerging
from the pod of her belly,
carrying forth to the world
little excerpts

of her spirit that she would
give over, for you, again
& again if she could.

Author's Note

2016

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is so hard to imagine a parent dealing with a son or daughter caught up in a war, and not having any contact...not knowing if that child is alive or dead...and just wishing that he or she (the parent) could protect the one who is serving.
make it all better...the world is so scary now.
terror is everywhere...here in the states, we are dealing with so much violence and bickering among those who are supposed to watch over us and protect us...
so many worried mothers.
such a good poem...
your blank verse works so well...the content is so powerful...and trying to conform this to form would take away from its impact.
j.

[Eilis]

Thank you very much, Jacob. Yes, these are the strangest times I ever experienced. The turmoil seems endless. The things I lived through as a child at least had a sort of reprieve. And came at you one at a time. I do hope we come out the other side in a better place. Hope is a big word.

Thanks for your visit and thoughtful commentary.

[WabiSabi]

We are all connected in some way. Therein lies the surrender. Mother to mother, I feel this deeply. I had no sons but had several classmates drafted in the 60s and some didn't make it back. Some who came home did not truly. I am grateful for all service but my heart breaks with each loss... Ruby

[Eilis]

Yes, indeed, Ruby. I have a few family members who went to Vietnam and were never quite able to shake the ghost. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I appreciate you reading.

[Robert Trakofler]

A very close friend of mine has six sons she always said how afraid she was of seeing them go to war she has now had to endure three of them go to war... all have survived one came home with several shrapnel wounds after his second tour! I was with her during those times her eyes glued to the new stations and glowing when she could get a video call to them. It is not an easy thing for those mothers but I am grateful they all came home.

[Eilis]

What a difficult period that must have been for her. I can’t imagine. When I had a son that was one of the first things I thought of. Odd, yeah, but I knew it was a future possibility. I’m glad your friend got all her boys back.

Thanks for adding your experience to this, Robert. Always love the things you share.

[nazia]

Though I am not a parent, I can still understand the pain of sending someone off the a war where you know that one of the possible outcome would be 'no return' of your loved one. I can only imagine how difficult it would be for a parent.
A well expressed piece of work Eilis :)

[Eilis]

Thank you, Nazia. Always a pleasure to hear from you.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The distance of war could never calm the heart of a parent who worries for her child. The not knowing is enough to cripple the mind. You have captured these emotions very well.

[Eilis]

Many thanks, Linda. I’m glad those aspects are coming through. Thanks again for reading.

[kentuck14]

Indeed, we are all connected in our sorrows and pain . . . probably more so than in our joys . . . for, if we are honest, we must confess some envy of those feeling joy in a world of sorrows. Real joy is so infrequent we become enamored of bits of happiness. Can we ever make sense of terror!? I wonder. As the old radio program asked: "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men?"
T

[Eilis]

No, I don't imagine we ever can make sense of terror. But, the impulse to try is there, for sure. I suppose we can't exactly make sense of any of those things that people do that demonstrate the ways evil can live within us.

But, we keep trying nonetheless. Thanks for this thoughtful commentary, Tom. Always enjoy your point of view.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This threw me into a war zone such as Syria, Yemen, Afghanistan or Sudan. It even dragged me back to Northern Ireland. And mother's (and fathers) bleed for children caught up in such human destruction.

[Eilis]

Yes, it’s just an unpleasant thing all over. I suppose it’s the helplessness that creates the pressure. What do you do.

Thanks again, John.

[CD Campbell]

My oldest turned 18 not long ago and being prior military, I'm trying to push him towards the coast guard. I was in the Persian gulf in the nineties and I do not want my son to die so far away from home. But there is this tradition among men to seek death and gain glory. Its built in most of us , I think. Toxic masculinity? Maybe. Reminds me of the nordic belief in Valhalla.
Anyway, I fear for his future. All mens future as pawns in this terrible game we play. Makes me want to quit reading Kipling, almost.
But most men think different and dont have the connection of the womb. I can't imagine the horror.
Your motherly words are consoling and empathetic. Well written. Trying to make sense and relate is all that we can do sometimes. I'm ashamed that the nightmare will continue as it has since the fall of man. We are a faulty species.

[Eilis]

It is confusing. It’s hard to feel hopeful let alone help my kids feel hopeful. I suppose one consolation of our youth is that it wasn’t everywhere all the time for us to keep chewing on.

I know the idea of being heroic or at least being part of that tradition is ingrained in the male psyche. I have been amazed to watch it with my own son. I don’t understand the impulse, but understand it’s just the way it is.

Thanks for sharing your own experience with me, CD. I’m always grateful for those kinds of connections with regard to a poem. I hope your son manages to stay close to home.

Thanks again.

[CD Campbell]

Yeah. We'll see. He's an independent nut. Ha

[Eilis]

Ah, well. Yeah, that can be a tough one.