All things have a beginning

The afternoons grew heavier now. Looking out the door of the church, Barley could see the roofs of houses disappearing in the haze that the late summer made over all of the village. Whatever it is that lives in there, he told himself, I would like to make myself a part of it so that I could rise over the buildings and conceal all of it for as long as my body would hold. 

The church was quiet in the interval between people’s needs. He had thought that giving himself to what lingered of God on earth would be the surest way to feel what it was like to be haze or dust or all those things that masked the truth of matter. He wasn’t sure if he was right, but he also knew now that he’d never know. 

How had God told him? It was nothing so grand as Martin Luther, but still, when the remembrance of it came over him, he could almost forget the ways he wanted to be transparent and able to touch everything and nothing all at once. He sometimes imagined that that was what it was like to be God. That God continued to look in on him because he wanted to know what it was like to touch the earth as Barley did. 

God had told him, well--had allowed the trees to tell him one afternoon, what it was like to be in Eden first. He told him how Adam had risen from the ground as a dust that transformed into mist and spread itself over the entire perimeter of the garden. And in that interval where he was everywhere and nowhere, Adam had attributed each living thing with a name that seemed most suitable from its feel. Adam had touched every living thing, but it wasn’t enough. 

Barley thought it would be enough for him--  that he wouldn’t need a woman if he could know what it was like to be a part of everything. He would be satisfied. The steeple bell pealed out directly above him cooler than the brook that ran behind the church. He always thought of the bell like water coursing through the town and shocking the people out of whatever idleness they were entertaining. He looked back fondly on the days when it had been his duty to pull the dry-flax rope and send the water roaring down to wake those dead in thought. 

But those days were over now. Pastor Jan had seen the Adam look in his eye one Sunday after ringing, and brought him to his office to find out what it was that made him so far away. Barley knew what he meant, but also didn’t, the same way as he felt when he thought about being that haze above the town. 

He couldn’t tell the pastor anything, so for fear that Barley were being pulled out of the garden of purity, pastor pulled him, first, into the service of the townspeople. “One cannot go wrong when one is holding God’s candle and leading other’s through the dark passages of their lives,” said Pastor Jan. Of course this was how he had understood it, but he hadn’t seen what Barley had seen up on that hill where the oaks and pecans spread out like a legion of angels and covered the earth so tightly they blocked out all sun. 

He hadn’t seen what God had shown him about Adam, and heard Adam’s voice clear as a dawn chorus taking on all the notes of the wind. Barley knew something that even the pastor didn’t know, but until he knew how to find his way there, he had decided to come to the church every morning-- to hold the candle and pray for the people who didn’t until the last bell rang for the evening. 

Reviews

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

there's a very interesting central idea to this work. children are naturally spiritual - they are curious and seek to know the things unknowable. it's a rite of passage to learn that the grownups don't know everything and that they cannot always be trusted. this is one very interesting plot thread emerging - Barley's quest to attain the real fruit of knowledge.

Barley's desire to become god is another very interesting theme. many children, especially boys, wish that kind of power at some point in their lives. yet few take steps to achieve this, but Barley might be different. he attends church and holds a candle, believing this will take him to the holy grail.

if this story was to continue, my question would be: how far is Barley willing to go? what obstacles or assistance will come his way? or will the plot take a completely unexpected turn - into farce or romance?

but this is a very intriguing setup. the setting - this religious community - and Barley's desire for some greatness stir up a lot of thoughts in the reader's head.

[Eilis]

Thanks for reading this one, Ern. This character has a special place in my heart and I’ve tried to continue his story but have not been able to. I think because of the question you ask at the end about will it become something other like romance or farce. I don’t want it to. I want him to do things on his terms and with reverence even amidst his ignorance or naïveté. In my life, I am starting over and when I wrote this I was in the middle of many chaotic circumstances that made me feel unable to make choices. It is maybe why I’ve struggled to move forward with this. I may try again. I do know I don’t want his story to be about love but about his own self-discovery. Whatever that is. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your reading.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

whatever will be, will be. some works start and are never finished - i have a whole closet full of first chapters. but you are a good writer, your style is strong, your ideas are inventive. once you have the energy to put your talent to work amazing things are going to happen. please take care Eilis.

[Eilis]

You are right, he will be who he will be. Thanks for your kind words. Hopefully I’ll find my voice again. All best, Ern

[SkinlessFrank]

The inner and profound innocence of thought in this piece caught my attention. It reminds me of how as a boy one’s imagination is limitless. The revelation that Barley experiences in my mind arises from the innocence we have as children—in Barley’s case, the notion that he can conceal the material things which distract those from seeing the true and magical unknown nature of the universe. For me, there is a sadness when the Pastor’s assigns Barley to a service that ultimately must distract Barley from his sense of wonder. As always, your writing is deep in meaning an imagery.

[Eilis]

Hi, Happy New Year. Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful comment. Seems like so much of human interaction comes down to trying to shape the way others see and experience the world. Innocence seems to be something we as a species idealize but also try to cancel out in the young. Trying to hold on to that part of ourselves in some capacity is a constant challenge. I think that’s a theme in my thinking through all I’ve written and I hadn’t really thought of it before. Thanks for bringing that to my attention with your comment. Always appreciate your thoughts!

[Robert Trakofler]

Grace comes in many forms... but never in a formula:) how clever a story Eilis and a great message within it. Seems like maybe there's a bit of Eilis and her magic stylus in this story:) I have a lot of clergy come to visit me at my store and I feel this sometimes when I talk with them.

[Eilis]

In the town I used to live in there was a monastery that invited the public in to buy products made by the brothers or to explore the grounds and so on. I visited there often for years and would take my kids to feed the ducks and just hang out under trees. Sometimes we’d see some of the men in their habits out walking, but they were silent men. I was always curious about them. And they would give me the kind of feeling represented in the story. Perhaps that’s where this story began.

Thanks for your comment, Robert. I hadn’t thought of that for awhile. Your comment there at the end made that bit of memory come flooding back. As for the me in the story, I’m not sure I know how to write myself out, ha ha. I’m still working on that skill in writing.

Always enjoy your comments. Thanks for reading.

[gram linski]

amazing writing, it stands alone, poor Barley having seen the true face/nature of god, he must pretend to the priests/ monks (ta da ha ha) that they actually know what the f**k they are on about, I love this style it gives a bit more space to run with ideas, great story Eilis,

[Eilis]

Ha, Barley is a monk in my mind. It was just a matter of time before I presented my own monk writing, ha ha.

There’s definitely a darker or deeper side to the young man. I suppose that’s why I haven’t figured out if I’m finished with him. But I do feel this has potential to stand alone.

Thanks for reading this one, Gram. I like the way you see it. Kind of mirrored my own ideas.

[gram linski]

Barley is not finished, but he inhales the catholic mass of madness, but still suffers from free mind, he will be back … anon, lol,

[Eilis]

Suffering from a free mind can be dangerous indeed. I’m afraid Barley is destined to learn that the hard way. Will see when he wanders out of the woods to face the world.

[barleygirl]

Becuz you pack a TON of ideas into every sentence, I find that I need to read each sentence more than once to really catch everything that's going on in it, before I can read on. I don't think this is particularly good or bad, just giving feedback. I love the parts of this that are focused on observations, more than the parts that are based in philosophical rhetoric. At the beginning you show that "particle" idea & it really resonates thru your piece, the idea of contrasting that with clarity. I love how there's no clear winner, but just mind-pricking observations that can launch a reverie (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Eilis]

Thanks so much for this critical look at my story, Margie. I’m much less certain about my prose than my poetry so I appreciate your comments. I do know I tend to pack too much into a small space, so I’ll look back and see if I can adjust some of my sentences.

Thanks, also, for your comments on the particle idea. I did hope for continuity, so I appreciate your notes on that.

Thanks again for your visit. I do appreciate your time!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I don't know your background or even from whence you come. What I do know is you have the ability most of us do not really possess. You can write poetry and prose eloquently, with beauty, high definition descriptions that captivate the reader and imerses them in each word. This is simply magnificent!

[Eilis]

Many thanks, John. I’m a clumsy social being so I turn to the written word to try to express myself. I don’t write much fiction, but I’m trying to write a little more. Thanks for your kind words on the piece and my writing in general. Much appreciated.

[CD Campbell]

I read your brief caption above and it's hard for me not to equate this with religion. I particularly felt close to the line of when God would check in on Barley to feel the touch of the earth. Some people believe that there is a God, but he had to create this existence outside of his own to retain some type of continuity and was only able to know this realm through the eyes of Jesus. That's more of a simplification of the theory, but it is an interesting notion.

The comparison of the church bells and the cool shocking waters of the brook is a poignant revery in Barleys philosophy. It's a well wtitten train of thought. I also liked the hero contemplating being the haze over the tree tops. It seems a simple,but joyous view of one being all encompassing.

Another thing that struck a chord was the thought of a man not needing love if that man could attain some type of higher consciousness. It's something I have pondered on many times in the past, especially when I am having issues with the opposing gender. Ha. That also goes back to sitting among the congregation and remembering the lecture that there is no sexual love in the afterlife. We'll be at a higher state and there will no longer be the desire to procreate.

I haven't mentioned the aspect of the far away Adam gaze and the naming of all, there is a lot to unpack so far, but it has been a very enjoyable read. This is way far from mindless automatic reading. The only thing that confused me was the name of the pastor. Wasn't sure if that character was female or male. I use to golf with an Ericson rep named Jan and he was a man. Swedish John I guess. Keep plugging away on this. I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Eilis]

The Jan is a man. Not sure why I chose that name, it just came out while I was writing. Same with Barley. I kept wanting to change their names but felt, in the end, I should just leave it. Mysterious.

You offer some deep commentary. I don’t want to just write a bunch of stuff here because I feel like I want to think about all you said. My vision of Barley is that he’s guided by a sense of his own importance and considers himself like a god. My ideas are still developing.

I do feel he is at the beginning of a journey of lost innocence. Perhaps that will change everything he thinks he understands about himself and the world. I feel like right now he’s alone and ok with that, but maybe he can’t be fully human until he learns that we’re not made to be solitary creatures. I don’t know. Still have a lot to think about. Feels a bit like a real person in my head, ha.

Thanks for all your great ideas shared. I’m absorbing them. Maybe I’ll have something more intelligible to share regarding them at some later time.

Appreciate you reviewing this. Thanks, CD.