The morality of fear

A pine, I am: winged. Led, leaden
these feathers do not flap, they are
heavy as the hundred year oak is tall. I

am guided by the morality of fear. Open
the door to anything and perhaps you
will see my untethered spirit drift up/ a seed

to breeze. The evening travels. The morning
travels further, and though each says it will
return they are nothing but the altered hems

of another age when I see them again. When
I see you again, oh morning, oh morning,
fresh as the winter stream, I believe you

will be the bright faces of mountains, the
way the sun shocks a landscape into giving up
its gold, the first kiss of dew veiling the visible

earth with diamonds. Not the cold
light of secrets. The raw weight, the dark
wings of leaden/ leathered secrets. Not

the amorphous flash of a flock of frightened
birds. Last night I dreamt I unburied the key
to my oak-thick sternum. I peeled back

the bark to reveal the tiny hole where
everything has-once entered. I unclicked
the lock and the doors flew open- my ribs

a gate now, no longer a cage. An openness
capable of carrying off all the grey-thundered
weight of secrets like a charm of finches

casting the magic of trees
upon the open
/ unpined land

Author's Note

2019

Reviews

[SkinlessFrank]

What you have done for me as a reader here is remind me of that duality between hope and reality, and the ways in which fear dominates our lives. I think many of us awake feeling the optimism of a new beginnings, only to be brought down to Earth once again by the weight of things and perceptions that burden us. The contrast with the lightness we can feel or live when we dream gives this poem an additional form of sadness. It reminds me of that disappointment we can sense when we awake from one of those delicious reveries. Then, despite seeing that road to lightness in our dreams, we nevertheless return to fall back into the pattern of being guided by fear, not hope. The contrast of the winged pine seed with heaviness of the oak adds power. Let me know if you ever discover the roadmap out of this f*****g mess?

[Eilis]

Hi, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Duality seems to dominate my thought patterns and I find myself chasing thoughts around my head trying to settle on something. The dream mind does offer an optimism that’s hard to hold on to in the waking state. Fear has been a lifelong problem for me. I’m learning more about the reasoning now and that does seem to help with making those road maps though doesn’t stop me getting lost. Thanks again!